


A Name to Remember

by ButteryOptimisticPeanut



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky glares, Bucky is confused, Bucky is confused a lot, Confusion to love, Fluff, Hate to Love, M/M, Or More Like, Protective Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson being a little shit, Sam Wilson can't handle his crush, Sam Wilson has a crush, Sam Wilson helps, Sam Wilson is gay and tired, Slow Burn, bucky is annoyed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2020-06-27 17:12:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 28,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButteryOptimisticPeanut/pseuds/ButteryOptimisticPeanut
Summary: At first, Bucky had thought it was an accident, the guy serving him must not have heard him right. But then it had continued, getting more ridiculous every time he set foot in the place. Bucky didn’t know how to handle it.This morning when he went for his therapeutic coffee, he had turned his cup to read ‘Borky’ written on it. Last week it had been Becky, the week before it had been Burky. He narrowed his eyes at the guy serving him, the dark-skinned man was looking back at him with an innocent warm smile, oh it definitely wasn’t an accident. Bucky was sure the guy didn’t know who he was, nobody in their right mind would try to play this trick on the Winter Soldier.But as he walked out of the Starbucks with his coffee in hand, Bucky was surprised to notice that in his anticipation to see what ridiculous name the man could come up with this time, a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.





	1. Prologue - A ghost out of time

The missions were fine, on missions Bucky knew what to do and how to fit in. He was used to the orders, strategies and fighting. But when a mission was done, he was lost. He felt so out of place. He didn’t fit in with the people around him. Half of them were kids, the other half he just couldn’t connect with. They all had their own lives, families and projects. Shuri had been able to make him feel comfortable, but she was far away, in Wakanda. Steve was gone, back in time to spend time with the love of his life. And after the event that was being called the blip and the last battle, the team had scattered. Without Steve to lead, and Tony’s compound to keep them together the team could barely be called a team.   
He had seen the worried looks Wanda had sent his way and gruffly refused her kind invitations to dinner or for a coffee sometime. She had enough things to deal with on her own, first losing her brother and then her boyfriend. Bucky really didn’t want to pile his own PTSD, anxiety and paranoia on top of that.

Between missions, Bucky could only find himself in his apartment, lost in the swirling of his own thoughts. A stray comment from the Spiderling had left him all over the place. Had Steve known? had he ever noticed something, suspected? Peter telling him specifically that it was okay to like men these days had scared him. Steve had always known him best and apparently, it was written all over him. Was that the reason Steve had left without taking Bucky with him? 

New York had become unfamiliar to Bucky. Everywhere he saw things that distantly reminded him of the old times. Ghosts, like Bucky: a distant reminder of the past, these days unfamiliar and invisible. Whenever Bucky stepped outside, he became overwhelmed by how rushed the city was. All these screens, suits, dirty looks. And fans, there were all these fans. Bucky didn’t get it. He was very different from the other Avengers, he hadn’t accomplished anything big. No instead he was the reason the Avengers had broke up. He had indirectly caused the snap.

But still, people came up to him on the street. People would want to shake hands, take pictures and touch his arm, making him panic. Seeing kids touch that arm… At night the image would come back. His metal fingers wrapped around the throat of one of those kids, their faces slowly turning purple while they were crying and gasping for air. Other kids around him, still reverently saying his name, “Sergeant Barnes, Bucky, Mister Winter Soldier, Sir!”. 

He tried to engage in healthy behaviour, sometimes. If his anxiety toned down a bit, he would take walks, jog, get a coffee. Sometimes it only seemed to make things worse, especially his anxiety. Plus, there was this annoying employee at the Starbucks around the corner of his apartment. At first, Bucky had thought it was an accident, the guy serving him must not have heard him right. But then it had continued, getting more ridiculous every time he set foot in the place and Bucky didn’t know how to handle it. 

This morning when he went for his therapeutic coffee, he had turned his cup to read ‘Borky’ written on it. Last week it had been Becky, the week before it had been Burky. He narrowed his eyes at the guy serving him, the dark-skinned man was looking back at him with an innocent warm smile, oh it definitely wasn’t an accident. Bucky was sure the guy didn’t know who he was, nobody in their right mind would try to play this trick on the Winter Soldier.

But as he walked out of the Starbucks with his coffee in hand, Bucky was surprised to notice that in his anticipation to see what ridiculous name the man could come up with, a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.


	2. Sam: an introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's introduce Sam!  
> We'll get their first interaction in the next part.

To work at a Starbuck’s had never been Sam’s dream job. But the shop was near his place and the hours were easily planned around his volunteer work with the veterans, often taking night shifts. The job was tedious, he was surrounded by teenage girls who had vastly different interests than him, except in on one subject. He hadn’t told them he was gay but they had quickly caught on to his interest whenever they were talking about particular handsome customers. 

When Lindsey, his most tolerable co-worker had found out she had cried out in despair, “I thought we were a team here, I don’t want to be lonely crushing on girls!”. Sam had laughed, “Like you would leave any for me”. At that point, Lindsey had pointedly looked over at the other girls, who were crowded behind the counter like vultures, their eyes on a certain handsome regular. “Alright, you have a point.”

Sam had mostly kept to himself during work, grinning whenever the girls made their jokes or acted crazy. But since the girls had found out they started involving him more. Some of them seemed to want him as their gay best friend all of a sudden and that weirded Sam a bit out. They hadn’t been interested in their middle-aged co-worker before they knew he was gay. But they had fun, they would ask him for his opinion on the younger guys coming in and try to gouge his interest in the older ones. He would listen in and tease them back sometimes. But he was usually too tired to interact too much, his busy schedule was taking a toll on him. 

During their shifts, the others would try to keep him away from taking the orders as much as possible. He was able to ‘mishear’ names in the most ridiculous fashion, and some customers didn’t take too kindly to that. But whenever a kid came in, he drew these funny little cartoons, making the kids smile and the girls coo over the kids in adoration.


	3. Rainbows and Kittens

The first day Bucky Barnes walked into the shop, the girls squealed at his entrance. He didn’t really look surprised at their noises, so Sam assumed he was used to it. The girls were hovering behind the counter, looking at him with stars in his eyes, Sam had to admit he did look good, but they were too intimidated to actually interact with the Winter Soldier himself. So Sam took it upon himself to take his order. His mind immediately went to the ways he could ‘mishear’ this man’s name. He had just come off a shift with the vets, he was so emotionally drained that the thought that making fun of the Winter Soldier maybe was a bad idea didn’t even cross his mind. He took the man’s order, just a regular black coffee. Sam didn’t know what he had expected, but he had kind of hoped there were lots of rainbows and kittens underneath that Winter Soldier exterior, and he would’ve demanded a pink drink. Sam stopped in his motions of making his drink, was he really thinking this? Oh, his head was a mess. He hoped he could get some sleep tonight.

He wrote an elegant ‘Bokky’ on the cup, the first thing he could come up with. He handed the masterpiece to the man, making sure not to give anything away with his expression. Bucky made his way to a seat without looking at the name on the cup yet. After he sat down, he turned the cup to take a sip until he saw the writing, and he halted in his movements. He looked up in the direction of the counter, before turning back to his cup with a confused frown pulling at his eyebrows. Sam tried to act casual, but the way Bucky frowned at his cup made that very hard. Somehow, his muddled brain had associated the word ‘cute’ with the Winter Soldier.

When he turned back to his work, the girls were staring at him in disbelief.

“You didn’t actually…”

“You know who he is, right?”

“Are you mad? He could kill you in your sleep!”

“Oh, but wouldn’t that be kind of hot?”

“Shut up, Charlotte.”


	4. Black Coffee, Large, Bucky

The fact that some synapses in Sam’s brain had apparently made a connection between the Winter Soldier and the word ‘cute’ when it had been in an exhausted state, was definitely not the reason why he made sure to be at the counter when Bucky came back into the shop a week later. Bucky had looked the way he had the last time he came in the shop, wearing a casual sweater, his hair up in a bun, looking really soft but somehow still a bit intimidating. He was a big man after all. He wrote another dumb name on his cup, unable to blame the stupid decision on a shift with the vets this time. He had been thinking about what to write on the cup if Bucky decided to come back. He didn’t want it to be too obvious he was fucking with the Avenger yet, so he came up with Burky. He handed the cup to Bucky with a charming smile, Bucky barely made eye contact accepting the cup, mumbling a ‘thanks’.

This time Bucky’s eyes drifted towards the name while he was walking towards the door and he stopped in his tracks. Sam quickly busied himself with wiping the counter, when he let his eyes drift up again the man was staring him down, quite intimidatingly. But Sam didn’t let that deter him.

He raised his eyebrow, “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”. He put on a concerned look, “Is something wrong with the coffee?”

“Oh, uh no… Just-“ he shook his head. These noises he made sounded much better than the muttered black coffee, large, Bucky Sam got just minutes before. Bucky looked back down at his cup. And there it was, his nose was scrunched up in confusion, but since he was looking down and some of his hair was hanging in front of his eyes Sam couldn’t fully see his expression. Before he knew it the man had turned around and was walking out of the shop again. Sam felt a pang of disappointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this. This already has had more response than I expected to be honest, I got my first comment! I'm so happy, thanks!  
> Feel free to comment or message me (Twitter @/ butterypeanut_ ) if you have any suggestions or dumb names I can use. Or if you want to keep me motivated.  
> motivation is always welcome.  
> I'm sorry the chapters are so short, this really is just a random thing that I'm writing and keeping the chapters short keeps me motivated and keeps it light.


	5. Spilled Almond Milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally forgot to do this, but I really need to thank and give a lot of credits to Alyssa (@/ stuckyisendgame on twitter) for helping me come up with this story. She sent me the prompt and we had an endless conversation imagining things that could happen. And this is what came out of it. To be honest, without Alyssa I probably wouldn't have this many stories going on right now so a lot of love and thanks to you. Fuck you, hoe <3.
> 
> And again, thank you all who are reading this! I got more comments, and Alyssa can attest to how excited I got when I got them.  
> This one's a bit longer, enjoy!

Five days later Sam spotted Bucky approaching the store through the window. Charlotte was at the counter, and Sam knew there was no way he could casually get her to switch with him. So, without thinking too much about why the hell he was doing this, he dropped the almond milk. All over her shirt. She turned around and punched his shoulder scolding him for not being careful before currying to the back to clean herself up. He took over the spot at the counter. Lindsey, who was wiping tabletops apparently had seen the ‘accident’ and raised an eyebrow at him.

Right then the bell dinged, and like a puppy, happy to see his owner again, he perked up. Immediately he realized his mistake and risked a glance at Lindsey who was wearing a devilish expression. He was fucked.

Sam gave Bucky his standard greeting and was prepared to take his regular black coffee order. But Bucky hesitated, he was looking at what else they had on offer for the first time. He seemed a bit lost. “I’ll have the… Caramel Macchiato?” he asked, carefully pronouncing the word Macchiato.

“Sure! Coming right up. Can I have your name?” Sam asked casually.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed a fraction. Sam imagined that the look Bucky was giving him was normally saved for suspects being interrogated. He had to admit it was intimidating. But also hot, very hot. But Sam held his ground, his expression neutral and curious. “It’s Bucky,” Bucky said slowly, articulating very clearly.

Sam nodded seriously as he carefully wrote down “Becky” in a nice cursive. He could feel Bucky’s eyes staring him down, watching his every move, but he couldn’t see what Sam was writing and Sam was enjoying that a lot. Sam looked back up, giving him a smile “You can move to the end of the counter, I will be with you in a minute.”

He proceeded to make the coffee. Lindsey had swiftly taken over the counter for him with a knowing glint in her eyes, at which Sam rolled his eyes. He finished the coffee, handing it to Bucky. “Here you go,” he paused, just a tad too long, enjoying it too much, “Becky.”

Bucky’s face scrunched up again, but it wasn’t that pure look of confusion again that just looked too adorable on the assassin’s face. This time there was annoyance mixed in as well. Was he catching on, or was he annoyed at the fact that this barista was apparently very bad at names? “Thanks.” He grumbled before leaving the shop. Fortunately, he didn’t turn around because if he had, he would’ve seen the small adoring smile play on Sam’s face. He didn’t dare think about how someone could look that cute while being annoyed, his upper lip had curled up adorably. What he also didn’t dare to think about was how the Winter Soldier himself, a globally infamous assassin, could look cute while being annoyed.

“That spill definitely wasn’t an accident. I thought you liked charlotte, you two seemed to be getting along.” For a few seconds of bliss, Sam had forgotten Lindsey existed. He was rudely being pulled back into reality. “I mean, you both wouldn’t mind if the Winter Soldier killed you in your sleep right?” She stepped behind him to grab something, and then murmured in his ear “You’d find it kind of hot too, wouldn’t you?”. Sam felt a blush creeping up his face, suddenly he felt very hot.


	6. It's On The House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's a certain cute pattern going on with Bucky's visits. I wonder if any of you have figured it out?  
> this chapter is again a bit longer! I hope you guys enjoy it. If you have any ideas or feedback please gimme.

Four days later Bucky came in again, he looked more jittery than normal. He was hiding his face behind a cap, barely looking up. His shoulders were slumped. This time Sam was working with Margaret and Lindsey. He had no inspiration as to how he could ‘subtly’ make sure to be at the counter this time, so he partly hid behind the machines and pretended to be busy while Bucky approached. Bucky searched the shop, was that look a look of relief at not seeing the weird bartender that couldn’t spell names right?  
“Oh God, Margaret could you please show me how to sort these again?” Lindsey suddenly said, crouched in front of one of the coolers. Margaret nodded, and before abandoning her spot at the counter she told Bucky, who was studying the menu again, “My colleague will take your order.” Sam knew that was his cue to take over. The corner of Bucky’s mouth seemed to twitch up a tiny bit, but Sam didn’t know for sure.

“Hi, How can I help you?”

Bucky looked back up at the menu, taking his time. That adorable frown was back on his face as he was going over all the options. “I’ll have the… Caramel Frappuccino?”

“Sure, would you like anything else to go with that?” Sam asked.

He saw Bucky’s eyes go to the cakes on display. While his eyes were still trained on them, he said “No thanks, I’m good.”

Sam just couldn’t watch this man denying himself a treat. Knowing the man’s history, he had probably been denied a lot all those years.  
“First time is on the house for regulars. You should really try one of our cakes.”

Bucky nodded slowly. He adjusted the cap on his head and stepped closer to the glass behind which the cakes were displayed.  
“Alright, I uh…” he was silent for a long time. Sam felt his smile drop and his mouth formed into a concerned tight line. Bucky’s eyes were roving over the cakes displayed but he didn’t seem to be actually looking at them. His eyes were glistening, there were tears forming. His jaw was clenched. What was happening? Was he having a panic attack? He knew that some people barely showed any symptoms while having one. And him being the Winter Soldier… he had probably tried to suppress panic attacks for years. What should he do? He worked with veterans he should fucking know this!

“Hey, having a bit of a hard time deciding?” he asked Bucky calmly, his voice low. He didn’t want to attract anyone else’s attention. They were lucky the shop was nearly empty. “Don’t worry they’re all good. Trust me, I’m an expert. I’ve tried them all.” He tried to smile reassuringly.

Bucky looked back up at Sam, “I don’t know.” His breath was uneven as he looked back down at the cakes, his metal hand made his way into his hair. “I don’t remember.”  
Sam blinked. Fuck. Fuckery fuck the fuck.

“Man, really? I’m jealous.” Sam improvised. That seemed to distract Bucky a bit, he looked back up at Sam with a frown. “You’re telling me you don’t remember how cake tastes? That means you get to taste everything for the first time. I wish I could taste Cheesecake for the first time again.” Sam said with a wistful sigh. Sam felt like he could hit himself. What a way to comfort a man having a panic attack. He could actually hear Lindsey bang her head against the cooler. Yep she heard it all.

But surprisingly, Bucky seemed to come to himself. “Alright, a cheesecake it is then.”

Sam smiled in relieve. When he gave Bucky his Frappuccino and Cheesecake Bucky had that adorable frown again. But it wasn’t at the name, but at the iced drink. He probably wasn’t used to iced coffee. When he looked back up at Sam in confusion, Sam just shrugged “It’s a Frappuccino, man.”

Then he saw the name, he muttered it to himself, “Borky”. He slowly looked up again, this time there was only annoyance in the narrowing of his eyes. Sam couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows innocently. Bucky held the glare for a few seconds before making his way to a seat.

Sam wasn’t very discreet when he stared at Bucky taking his first bite of the cheesecake to gouge his reaction. Bucky’s eyes closed in bliss at the taste, his whole face relaxing as he chewed and swallowed. He looked so innocent right then, just a man enjoying his cheesecake.

So what if he had this little obsession with a guy that frequented their shop. The girls all had their crushes as well. Though, theirs weren’t the Winter Soldier.


	7. That Is Not How You Flirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update!  
> I'm going into a week of partying so I won't be updating that much next week, sorry. But enjoy this!  
> please tell me what u think, and feel free to leave suggestions!

The following days, Sam couldn’t help but let his hopeful eyes drift to the door whenever the bell dinged. Hoping for a certain avenger to walk in. When, three days later, the bell dinged and Sam looked up to see Bucky walk into the shop their eyes locked for a second. He was wearing a sweater again, making him look like a huge teddy bear. Which the Winter Soldier decidedly was not. Sam quickly looked back down, chewing on the inside of his lip to keep a smile from his face. Charlotte and Margaret were in the shop with him today, and when they saw the Winter Soldier enter their shop, they both smirked at him. Sam huffed in frustration, of course they had been talking about him, presuming things. They might’ve been right, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. They quickly, and not very subtly, made sure the counter was free for Sam to take Bucky’s order. 

Once again Bucky took his time to decide what to order. And while his eyes were on the menu, Sam let his eyes roam over the man’s face. Margaret and Charlotte knew already anyway, so he was just going to take whatever he could get now, and enjoy it. He had a bit of a beard that suited his face perfectly, and the only thing bouncing around in Sam’s head like a windows logo was ‘soft’. But then those blue eyes settled back on him and Sam was shaken out of it. “The Java Chip Frappuccino, please.” Bucky said in that wonderful low voice of his, like he didn’t want to startle anyone by speaking up. Sam smiled, that meant he had liked the Frappuccino last time. He was glad Bucky was trying and enjoying new things. 

When he asked Bucky for his name once again, Bucky’s gaze hardened as he said it, searching Sam’s face. Sam had to admit, he had been thinking of how he could butcher up his name even more for the past few days, making a mental list. He decided he would take it easy for now, seeing how long he could hold up the innocent act. He smiled to himself as he wrote down Bricky, drawing two smiling bricks next to them. He was looking at his creation, proud of himself when he felt someone leaning over his shoulder to look along. Charlotte choked on the cookie she had sneakily grabbed as she saw his creation. 

“That is not how you flirt!” she whisper-yelled not so discreetly, “Sam, do you even know what you’re doing?” 

Sam quickly checked if Bucky had heard her but he was waiting at the end of the counter, busy on his phone. A confused frown pulling at his eyebrows once again, Sam couldn’t imagine how confusing modern-day technology must be to him. He gave Charlotte the fakest smile he could muster as he continued to make Bucky’s Frappuccino.   
“Here you go” he handed Bucky the drink.

Bucky looked him dead in the eyes as he slowly took the drink, turning it so he could read the writing. When he saw it, his eyes widened a fraction, before he narrowed them to stare Sam down. Sam stared right back at him, dropping the innocent act. His look was challenging Bucky to say something, maybe demand for the manager. But Bucky’s eyes only narrowed even further, Sam was surprised that was even possible, before he turned around and went to find a seat, giving him one last glare as he sat down.

Charlotte and Margaret were looking at him incredulously. “What the fuck was that?”

“I thought you said they had something special going on.” Margaret asked Charlotte still eyeing the man who was now hunched over his Frappuccino.  
“Well it’s certainly something special.”


	8. Treat Your Regulars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short one!  
> Feel free to leave some feedback

Sam was sure that Bucky had caught on to the shit he was doing by now. So, when Bucky came in again two days later he decided to deviate from his Borky-Becky-Bricky pattern. Under Bucky’s scrutinizing he carefully wrote down Spunky on his Frappuccino. The girls had immediately abandoned him as soon as Bucky came in and were observing from a distance. Sam was hoping Bucky didn’t notice all the attention he was getting. Somehow, he felt like it could scare Bucky away. 

He handed Bucky his order. Bucky immediately turned his Frappuccino, a normal coffee one this time, to see the name written on it. Bucky’s eyes slowly travelled up from the cup to Sam’s face, holding eye contact. Sam felt his eyebrow raise questioningly. Bucky’s stare hardened into a glare. Yep, he totally knew what was going on now. They held that stare for a bit, and instead of starting to fear for his life, Sam could only admire how blue those eyes were.

Then Bucky saw the classic chocolate cake Sam had discreetly added to his order and he frowned his adorable frown of confusion again. This time when those incredible blue eyes travelled back up to Sam’s face they looked at him questioningly.

Sam’s lips curled into a grin as he told him “No one can go through life without getting a taste of a chocolate cake.”

“I didn’t…” Bucky started but didn’t finish, looking from Sam to the cake.

“It’s on the house. We treat our regulars well.”

Bucky searched his face, looking for the lie. But he did take the cake with him as he sat down at a table.  
The cake hadn’t been on the house, but Sam didn’t mind paying to see the look of wonder on Bucky’s face as he took his first bite of the cake, as if he had forgotten that things could taste that good.


	9. Chocolate Is Preferred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for being gone for so long, busy weeks.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Can things stay this cute and perfect forever though?  
> Has anyone figured out the little pattern yet?  
> Feel free to leave feedback, suggestions, love or kudos!  
> OH AND THANKS FOR 100 KUDOS??? THAT'S SO AMAZING WOAH

A day later, Bucky came in again. He was right behind Lillian and her daughter Anne, they were regulars. Since Anne was a kid, Sam always took the order engaging enthusiastically with her. This time he felt Bucky’s eyes burning on the side of his face as he conversed with them. 

“A hot chocolate like usual?” he asked her, leaning over the counter a bit. She smiled and nodded enthusiastically. 

“How did the game go last week?” he asked her, while writing her name on a cup. Bucky joined the line. He was standing right behind Lillian so he was in his field of vision, making him nervous. He didn’t dare look his way. 

“We won the game, and I scored two times mister Sam!” She beamed up at him. he tried to react enthusiastically, letting his mouth fall open comically in surprise, praising her skill. But his mind was stuck on the fact that Bucky must’ve heard the kid say his name. So he knew his name now, if he actually had bothered to listen at least, and taken the time to remember it.

Sam took his time to draw a cute cartoon of Anne scoring a goal, wearing a superhero cape, he also drew her mom cheering her on. Usually, one of the girls would take the next order while he took his time with the kids, but since Bucky was there and there were no other customers in line they didn’t.

“Here you go” he gave Lillian and her daughter their cups with a kind smile, he didn’t have to pretend to be nice when the customers were kids. They usually made his day.  
Anne laughed in delight at her cartoon “Look mom! You’re on it as well.” Lillian smiled warmly at him, making Sam avert his eyes. He did what he could.

Bucky was carefully taking in the interaction. When Sam turned back to look at Bucky, he saw that one corner of his mouth had tugged up into a small smile. When Sam walked back to his side of the counter to take his order, the other corner of Bucky’s mouth followed its counterpart. He seemed to be in a good mood.

“What can I get you?”

Bucky went for another Frappuccino, the dark caramel this time. He must really like the Frappuccino’s, Sam thought. It made him happy to know Bucky was enjoying the treats of this time. While Sam wrote a new name on the cup, he dared to look up. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him, Sam took that as a challenge to fuck his name up even more, writing ‘Fucky’ this time. Sam couldn’t keep the smug smile of his face. He knew Bucky could see it, but he figured it didn’t matter anyway, since the guy would be really daft if he didn’t know by now. 

Sam added the Raspberry Cheesecake as well since he had seemed to like the New York Cheesecake the first time around.

When he presented Bucky both items at the end of the counter, Bucky cocked his head, eyeing at the cake questioningly. 

“It’s Raspberry Cheesecake. One of my favourites.” Sam told him, slowly nudging the cake more towards Bucky.

Bucky frowned, taking the cake and looking at it. Then he looked back up his lips curling into a smirk, “I think I prefer chocolate.” Then he just walked away. Sam froze, his mind just stopped working. _What? Did he just?_ That had sounded very suggestive. He blinked multiple times before shaking himself out of it. His eyes wandering to Bucky’s retreating back, finding a seat. 

Only when Bucky sat down he took the time to look at the cup. He rolled his eyes, but there was a small smile playing on his face. Sam caught himself staring at those lifted lips, he had caused that. He wondered how much this man got to smile, knowing what he had been through, what he’s still going through. He desperately hoped he wasn’t the only one who managed to make him smile like that, even if he selfishly wanted that smile reserved all for him. 

Then Bucky turned towards him. The smile had left his face to make way for a death glare, that Sam somehow had gotten to love as well. He was holding the cup pointedly in the air with the name turned towards him. Sam just tilted his head, narrowed his eyes and stared right back at him. But as he raised an eyebrow in a challenge, he also couldn’t keep the smallest smile off his face.


	10. Am I Allowed Hot Chocolate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised someone that I would update in a day but it took a bit longer than that, sorry. it's quite a long chapter (for this fic's standards) to make up for it though.   
> The name in this chapter was suggested by Imanindaw on here! thanks for your suggestion!  
> please feel free to comment, it really motivates me. enjoy!

Working the night shifts meant having to go through a whole day before having the possibility to see Bucky again. The VA-meeting managed to distract him for a bit though.  
“Are you okay? You looked distracted today, and very tired as well.” Alex, Sam’s best friend, came up to him. He was also a veteran but had been out of it for a long time. He had been with these VA-meetings for about fifteen years now, always there to support them. Sam didn’t know where he’d be if this man hadn’t been there to help him through his losses five years ago.  
Sam smiled “I’m fine. These night shifts at Starbucks are taking its toll I guess.”  
Alex frown deepened in concern, “Do you ever sleep? If this is too much you should take a step back. We’re all very thankful for your help, you know that. But you need to take care of yourself as well.”  
“Alex, you of all people must know that helping out here is me taking care of myself, right? I need these meetings, these stories, as much as you do. It’s the only thing…”  
“Making you feel like you matter like there’s a reason you survived.” _while he didn’t_ , Sam finishes in his head.  
“I do get my eight hours of sleep though, don’t worry. Even though they might be a bit spread out over the day.”  
Alex moved in closer, laying a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “What about your meals? Buddy you-“  
“I’m fine. Really. They got these really cheap minimal effort meals.” Sam interrupted him.  
Alex was still frowning but left it at that.

Bucky had been coming in more often as the time passed and Sam noticed himself hoping he would be coming in again today. Seeing Bucky was the highlight of his shift, if not his day, Sam knew that. It worried him a bit, it was like Bucky was currently the only light in his life and he didn’t want to become dependant on that. He didn’t even know how much these encounters meant to Bucky, he could just stop coming one day. He had other friends of course, like Alex and the other guys from the meetings, but he barely saw them outside of those. They went for drinks sometimes but Sam was usually too busy or tired.  
But Sam couldn’t help but let his mind wander to Bucky as he was working. Thinking about their last interaction. Was Bucky becoming more comfortable around him? Was he like that with other people as well? Had he just decided to humour the idiot behind the counter at Starbucks? His mind kept going in circles and he was making himself crazy.  
Until at nine, the real thing stepped into the shop. He was dressed formally, wearing a button-up shirt and pressed pants. His shoulders were slumped, and he seemed to be dragging himself to the counter. There was a tired look in his eyes.  
As soon as Lindsey saw him, she took a step back from the counter. She gestured towards the counter with her harms like she was presenting Sam with a gift. Sam glanced at Bucky in the hope that he hadn’t seen it, but Bucky’s tired eyes were resting on the menu.  
“Good evening, how can I help you?”  
Bucky gave him half a smile, his eyes flicking from the menu to Sam for a second, and then drifting back to the menu again and grimacing, “I uh…” he brought his hand up to his beard to pluck at it. “Yesterday, you…” he tilted his head downwards, the cap on his head was now obscuring his eyes, hair falling to the side of his face. “You gave that girl, Anne- was that hot chocolate?”  
Sam blinked in surprise, that was not what he had expected to heart, “Yeah” he said, stunned. But he couldn’t help but feel warm and smile at Bucky’s words. He had paid attention to what Sam had been doing, even if it was just taking an order. He remembered the girl’s name, did that mean he remembered Sam’s name as well?  
Bucky tilted his head a bit, glancing at Sam with one eye from underneath the cap before casting his eyes downwards again as he said “Is it… do adults drink that? Or.. is it like a drink meant for children?”  
_Am I allowed to have hot chocolate?_  
Sam wanted to shake him and let him know he could drink anything he desired, no matter who it was meant for. But instead he gave Bucky a soft smile, who dared to glance back up again “It’s for everyone. Everyone drinks it. It’s delicious, I like to drink it when it rains.”  
Bucky frowned, his eyes darted to the window. It was mid-summer, it definitely wasn’t raining. The air was dry and still hot outside, despite the hour.  
“But you can have it anytime really.” Sam quickly added.  
Bucky nodded, mostly to himself. Processing the information he just received. The lady standing in line behind him coughed subtly. They were taking too long.  
“A hot chocolate it is! How about we do the classic chocolate for a start. If you like that one you could also try the other ones. We have the signature hot chocolate and the white hot chocolate as well.” Sam said, maybe rudely presuming (and hoping) Bucky would come back to try the other ones.  
Bucky just nodded, he seemed to have used up his words for the day.  
Sam contemplated the cup he was holding. He had made a mental list of ways to screw up Bucky’s name, but he was slowly running out. Soon, he’d have to get more creative. For now he wrote down ‘Bukie’. This might be the closest he’s been to Bucky’s actual name until now.  
As the coffee was in the making, Sam contemplated what cake he should add. His eyes settled on the pistachio one. He wondered if Bucky would like pistachio, did they have something like that back in the day? Sam felt like he really should start doing some research on what it was like back when Bucky was young. Then he berated himself, did he really have to stalk this guy? Wasn’t he going a bit too far if he started researching the time in which Bucky grew up?  
He finished the coffee and grabbed the pistachio cake, handing both items to Bucky. “It’s a pistachio cake,” he added, nodding towards the cake. Bucky nodded, but didn’t seem to be processing his words. Sam looked him over concernedly, was he disassociating? He had seemed to do so well yesterday, he had been in such a good mood, and his social skills seemed to be functioning really well.  
Bucky took the cup of hot chocolate, fidgeting with it before looking up at Sam, making shy eye contact from underneath his cap. His eyes were showing his vulnerability, “I remember drinking it. Well, flashes of it.” He looked down at the cup, running his hand over the edge of it, “We were kids, I only remember drinking it when we were kids… that’s why…” Bucky dared a glance towards Sam again, a frown playing on his eyebrows, “I don’t remember the taste though.  
So, Bucky hadn’t run out of words for the day yet.  
Sam nodded, “It must be hard, to almost remember all the time.”  
“Yeah, I also often forget my own name. I get it jumbled up.” Bucky said, softly.  
Sam blanched, did he… had he contributed to that? Was he making Bucky relapse with his stupid games? His mind was derailing into a downwards spiral of panic until he noticed the smug grin playing on Bucky’s lips as he glanced at him underneath the rim of his hat. Sam breathed a “You fucker.”  
Bucky’s grin creeped further up his face as he grabbed his order and went to take seat. Sam didn’t bother to get back to work, instead he leaned on his elbows on the counter staring after Bucky, with a smug grin on his face.  
When Bucky read the name, and looked up to see Sam standing there with that smug grin, he scowled and flipped him off.  
Then he took his first sip of the hot chocolate, and his expression melted. Sam just stared, took it in. He was still leaning over the counter and staring blatantly at a customer. Bucky didn’t notice though; he was lost in the taste of hot chocolate. Next was the pistachio cake, as Bucky took a bite, he chewed on it thoughtfully. His face was not a face of disgust, but of interest. Sam presumed he didn’t remember the taste of pistachio, or had never had it. Bucky took another bite, he looked-  
“Are you going to stand there staring at him all day?” Lindsey interrupted his musings. Sam quickly straightened up, and looked at her guiltily. “I get that you’re in love and all, but I’m not going to do all the work here. Get your ass back to work.”  
With one wistful last glance at Bucky, who was still immersed in carefully tasting his cake and beverage, Sam went back to work.


	11. Murderous glares and cartoons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry it took me so long to update :/ I haven't been able to write since college started, I'm really busy. But I think I've found some sorta rythm in life, so I hope to be more consistent.   
> But please tell me if you like it or let me know that you're reading! That always gives me motivation :)  
> Enjoy!

Sam was bent over a stack of paperwork at the VA when Alex walked in to practically drag him away from his desk. “Hey, I actually need to get that done!” Sam frowned, gesturing to the paperwork.

“Alice can take care of that for you. You do know that the paperwork isn’t actually part of your volunteering here, right?”

'

Sam shrugged, “I know, but you’ve seen how busy Alice is. I’m just helping her out.”

“Alice gets paid for being busy, you on the other hand… You need sleep, not even more work on top of what you’re already doing.”  
“Alex, I’m fine. I won’t take on more than I can handle.”

Alex completely ignored him, “Now,” he prodded him in the chest with his pointer finger, “you are going to get your two hours of sleep before dinnertime. And after that you’re joining Martha and me for dinner. She’s counting on you in her preparations so you better be there.”

Sam blanched, “I can’t… you don’t have to-“

“I don’t want to hear it. We’re finally getting some good homemade food in you.”

Alex didn’t let him say any other thing while steering him out of the building in the direction of his apartment. “Dinner’s at six thirty!”

*

That evening was wonderful. Having a meal like that, well prepared, fully heated and made with care in a cosy home, did Sam better than he dared to admit. He enjoyed the contrast of the company, the smiles and warmth to his own apartment, which was lonely, bare and barely heated (he had to save money somehow, wearing an extra hoodie didn’t cost anything.) Somehow Martha had managed to make him talk and spill what his favourite meals were. She promised to make him mashed potatoes next week.

*

That evening it was busier than usual in the shop. They were taking orders at a rapid pace and Sam was working like a machine preparing the coffees and handing them out with a smile. 

The little bell by the door ringed every few minutes, and Sam couldn’t help but hopefully let his eyes wander to the incoming customer every time it did. He berated himself, what was he so worked up about? He tried to calm himself down. Bucky was just another customer which he happened to have more than a two second interaction with him sometimes, he couldn’t let his whole day be about whether or not this guy would come into the shop. Besides, Bucky was an avenger, he had important shit going on in his life. He probably didn’t even think about the guy always screwing up his name at Starbucks. He had other things to keep him occupied, like Avenger stuff, maintaining that hair and probably the hundreds of young pretty girls that were available to him.

Still, Sam was full of anticipation. The hard work didn’t help distract him, he was feeling on edge, his whole body was full of tension. But this dimmed a little as the clock kept ticking, replaced by an increasing annoyance at himself. Bucky wasn’t going to show up, and he was being childish, letting his whole day be ruined by it. He had had a great time having dinner with Alex and Martha, but that warm feeling was fading away now, replaced by the disappointment of Bucky not coming in. 

At twelve AM Sam started thinking that maybe he had been too presumptuous the day before, telling Bucky he should come back to try the other kinds of hot chocolates.

At one AM the bell rang again, a late customer, Sam looked at the door out of habit, but he sighed at himself and returned to where he was wiping the counter. But then his head snapped back up again. There he was. Looking like a dead man walking, but he came. His shoulders were slumped, his clothes were sagging against his body, as if they didn’t really fit him. Usually Bucky looked like his clothes we made for him (which they might as well be), he could rock any look effortlessly. Sam made his way to the counter as he watched Bucky enter, he didn’t carefully scan the shop like he usually did, his eyes didn’t fall on Sam. He was looking down, but as he approached the counter Sam noticed the dark circles under his eyes. 

Sam couldn’t help but frown in worry as Bucky ordered his drink, not once making eye contact. Bucky sat down at one of the tables at the front, near where the drinks were handed out, to wait for his order. He decided to write down the best name he had come up with yet: Buckaroo. It was such an utterly adorable nickname he was convinced that Bucky was going to hate it. 

He put the pen down to proceed to making the coffee, but then he looked back up at Bucky, sitting there, his head supported by his hand, staring at nothing. Sam decidedly picked the pen back up again. He drew a cartoon of him, looking down at a coffee cup. He tried to get the confused frown right, but it just didn’t match reality. He was no artist. He crushed the cup and threw it in the bin. Bucky startled at that, he was fully alert now, searching the room. Sam gave him an apologetic smile when his eyes reached him.

He put the pen on a new cup, trying to draw him again. The little cartoon looked better now, but it was still not as good as he’d wanted it to be. He decided to go with it anyway.

When he was done with the coffee, he selected an extra-large piece of chocolate cake to go with it. Since it was only the two of them in the shop, Sam made his way around the counter to bring Bucky his order. 

Bucky looked up in surprise when Sam approached and handed him his order. He got a smile of thanks in the form of the smallest twitch of Bucky’s lips. Sam couldn’t quite put his finger on the expression on his face, his eyes looked so… sad wasn’t the word. Pained maybe, desperate.

In a spike of bravery Sam sat down on the seat across from him. Bucky startled at that, almost knocking over his coffee. Sam made a show of putting his legs up on the chair next to him and getting comfortable. His antics earned him that adorable look of confusion, before Bucky turned his eyes down and focused on his coffee. Was that a blush on his cheeks? 

Then he noticed the name and cartoon on the cup. He smiled and looked back up at Sam. His eyes had lightened up, he was cradling the cup carefully with his hands. He looked back down at the cup, and let his thumb rub over the edge of the cartoon drawn on it. 

“So, Bob. It’s kind of late don’t you think?” Sam asked casually.

Bucky who had just been about to take a sip of his coffee, flicked his eyes to Sam, they screamed murder. Sam absolutely loved it.  
But as Bucky set his cup down and went for his cake, his shoulders were still slumped and his eyes had gained that pained look again. 

Sam had to ask. 

“Are you alright?”

Bucky answered with a strained “I’m fine.” Before he stuffed his mouth with chocolate cake. 

“Oh ok, I guess you always look like you’re homeless then.”  
Sam felt like he could kill himself, right on that spot. He was ready to die. How could he be so stupid? Of course he had to say that. Why did he always retort to being insensitive and sarcastic when he was nervous? And damn, he was nervous. Even if he sat there, with his feet up, looking like he couldn’t feel more at home. 

But when Bucky slowly raised his head back up to give him another death stare, Sam could see the mirth in his eyes. “thanks man.” He responded in his low gruff voice.  
Sam just shrugged, a smug smile starting to play on his face. As he sat there, he couldn’t help but take in the man’s form. He felt ecstatic. He was sitting across this beautiful, precious man and he had somehow managed to make his light up, despite his wrecked state. But he also couldn’t help but be concerned, wondering what had managed to get Bucky into this state. There were guesses he could make, of course. But he wasn’t going to. Bucky deserved to tell his own story himself.


	12. Caffeine Bomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! here's a new chapter!  
> I just realized I'm way too perfectionistic for this. I know there are a lot of sentences that may not run well or mistakes but I'm tired and just want to put this out there. This little fic is just for fun anyway.  
> I hope you enjoy it! please feel free to comment / leave kudos :)

DAlthoughBucky had stayed deep into the night the day before, he still came in that day around the same time he usually did. They hadn’t spoken much that night. Bucky had mostly been fiddling with his phone or looking into his empty cup (if Sam hadn’t refilled it yet). His mind had seemed to be racing though, there had been a sense of unease over Bucky, a restlessness. Sam had settled next to Bucky, only getting up from his chair if a rare customer came in. Their only interaction had been Sam asking whether Bucky wanted another coffee, or Sam making comments about customers that had just left the shop. Bucky had huffed out small laughs at Sam’s comments, these small smiles gracing his lips which made Sam feel like he had moved a mountain. But Bucky’s lips would quickly return to being gnawed at every time. 

Sam couldn’t help but replay these small moments from last night over and over again. The way Bucky smiles, the noise he made in reaction to one of Sam’s comments, the moments Sam’s eyes had found Bucky’s, and Bucky had already been looking at him. 

His head was swimming what had happened, making him too distracted to notice Bucky coming in until he was standing right before him. The dark circles under Bucky’s eyes had deepened, but he seemed to be less withdrawn than yesterday, a he looked Sam in the eyes as he greeted him. He gave Sam a twitching smile, unprompted. His mouth was curled up without any jokes or effort needed. 

Sam let the polite smile he always had on for customers widen into a genuine smile, without even thinking about it. 

Bucky ordered his coffee, Sam had to blink at Bucky’s order of four espresso shots. But he couldn’t blame him, he looked like he could use some caffeine. But this wasn’t a proper way of self-care. The man needed some sleep. 

As Sam went to write a name on the cup – he wrote Bill, not even bothering anymore to make the name resemble Bucky’s in the slightest – Bucky looked a bit fidgety before he decided to speak up. 

“Do you ever have a day off?” Bucky’s tone was incredulous, but it was carefully formed. It didn’t come out naturally, as if he had been rehearsing the line in his head. “I mean, you’re always working.”

Sam laughed, “Yeah, I’m usually free on Sundays. I decided to work an extra shift today, Charlotte called in sick this morning.”  
Bucky nodded understandingly, and that was the awkward ending of their conversation. 

Sam prepared the caffeine bomb for Bucky and added some banana bread. When Sam made his way to the other side of the counter, where Bucky was already waiting, Bucky looked troubled, he frowned and fidgeted uneasily. As Sam handed him his order he looked up at Sam.

“Enjoy your coffee, I hope you like the banana bread, I love it myself,” Sam said, trying to ease the tension. But Bucky had opened his mouth just when Sam had started speaking, as if he had wanted to say something. But he now he didn’t, closing his mouth in a small smile at Sam’s words, before turning around to find a table. Halfway there he looked back over his shoulder to roll his eyes at him and glare at him, as he held up the cup.


	13. Moping Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! here I am again. Short update this time :) Sorry for taking this long, but don't worry the first draft of the next chapter is done, so that one will be up faster. I won't leave you hanging too long.  
> I'm also working on another fic, which is a whole other genre than this and is quite heavy. That fic is taking up some time as well. But I do still work on this one! I have not forgotten you guys!!  
> As always, please leave a comment. They always make my day :)

Sam felt like such an idiot. He couldn’t stand himself. Here he was behind the counter, moping because his little crush hadn’t shown up at the shop for a few days. Well, two days and 22 hours. The worst thing was that people were noticing. 

“Sam, I need you to take this order,” Margaret said suddenly. Sam’s head shot up and realized his pen must’ve been hovering over the cup he was holding for a while now. He had zoned out. Again. 

As he slipped past Margaret to take his spot at the counter Margaret asked him quietly, with a concerned look in her eyes “What’s up with you? I know you have another job going on and you’re usually tired, but I’ve never seen you like this.” 

Sam just shook his head, looking down and mumbling something about not sleeping too well. Which was true. He had had a bad night of sleep. As he had laid down last night, a sense of uneasiness had filled his whole body causing him to twist and turn all night. He was used to bad nights of sleep, but usually, they were due to nightmares not because of a crush that had gotten a bit out of control. 

He had seen this coming. He’s always fallen in love easily, and hard. He knew he was becoming dependant on Bucky coming into the shop every day. And right now, he knew he should not make this big of a deal out of it, but he just couldn’t help but feel down. Which made him feel even worse, why couldn’t he just be like literally any other man and move on from a tiny (ok maybe not so tiny) crush? Why did his every thought have to be consumed by this man?

Later in the evening, Lindsey took over from Margaret, and she immediately sensed Sam’s mood. “Bucky hasn’t shown up yet, I take it?”

Sam turned away from her, busying himself with a stack of cups, he could feel a frown pulling at his eyebrows and his eyes watering. Oh great, now he was going to cry. Typical. Of course. Sam fucking Wilson, keep it together. 

Lindsey put a hand on his tense shoulders, which relaxed a fraction at her touch. “It’s ok.” She told him softly. “The shop’s empty, shall we take our break early?”.

Sam swallowed, “Yeah, let’s do that.” He said, his voice raw. 

Lindsey sat him down in the break room, “how are you feeling?” she asked. 

Sam sighed frustratedly, running a hand over his face in exhaustion. “I just… I don’t know why this affects me so much,” he said.

“You like him, of course his sudden appearance affects you.”

Sam grunted in frustration, “I know I like him. I know this crush I have on him is huge. I just wish I didn’t have this much of a crush on him. Why am I the idiot that falls so hard for strangers and lets them rule my life?”

“Because you’re so full of love, and you need someone to share it with?” she said, a bit too hopefully.

Sam gave her a blank stare, “I’m lonely, you mean. And I don’t think insulting someone by butchering up their name counts as spreading love.”

Lindsey just shrugged, “It looked pretty cute to me.” 

“I just don’t know why. Well maybe… I mean he probably got sick of me playing around like that. He was in a pretty bad shape last time I saw him and I just kept teasing him and I was very inconsiderate.” 

“Stop beating yourself up. You said it yourself, he was in a pretty bad shape. He’s probably taking some time off because he’s feeling a bit under the weather.”

“Well, I hope so…” Sam said, without much hope in his voice.


	14. Detached From The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, don't you hate it when you forget to save important stuff? I had written two more chapters the last time I was working on this fic, but I forgot to save them. That's why this is later than I wanted it to be. I'm still very upset about being so stupid as to not fucking save my work but yeah. here it is, a chapter!  
> I wanted to post it early, or post two chapters in a row to celebrate the fact that I got over 200 kudos, but yeah, the whole thing stated above, I m sorry.  
> But I'm really excited about those 200 kudos so thank you all! that is a whole lot of people who clicked that button.  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

The next day, Sam was enjoying a lovely dinner with Alex and Martha. She had made him his requested mashed potatoes and it tasted amazing, but he couldn’t enjoy it as much as he wanted to. His mind was on Bucky, and it was trying to squash this feeble hope that he might turn up at the shop that evening. 

When he kept answering Martha’s polite questions distractedly and curtly, she finally gave up, “What’s got you so distracted, Sam? Is all the work taking too much of a toll on you?”

Sam caught himself pushing his food around on his plate, playing with it, and immediately put his fork down. He did know some manners. Only then he processed Martha’s question. “No… no, the work’s fine. I’m uh…” He was getting sick of the excuse that he was tired, but didn’t know what else to say.

“Oh…” he saw it dawn on Alex’s face. Martha gave him a questioning look. “It’s a guy isn’t it, or is it a girl this time?” 

Sam started sputtering, “No! It’s nothing like that. Have you seen my life? I don’t have time for dating.” 

Alex’s smile started to broaden, and said to Martha, “Oh it definitely is.” 

Martha shook her head, smiling. “It’s alright Sam, there’s always enough time to fall in love.”

Then it dawned on Sam, “a girl _this time_?” he narrowed his eyes at Alex, “I haven’t dated anyone since we became friends. What on earth are you talking about?”

Alex’s eyes saddened, “I’m sorry, I just assumed… the situation with Riley”

“Oh,” Sam fell quiet for a second. He hadn’t realized that of course, Alex figured that out. “You assumed right. From my side, at least.” 

Alex nodded understandingly and dropped the subject. Now was not the time to talk about the past. “So, is it a girl this time?” he said with a small smile on his face. 

Sam gave up, there was no way he could defeat this united front, “No, it’s a guy. But it’s nothing.”

Martha’s eyes lit up, “Oh, please tell us more about him. What is he like? Did you meet him at the VA?” 

Sam sighed, “No, he was a regular customer at the shop. But really it’s not-“  
But before Sam could protest more, Martha let out a wistful sigh, “oh Alex,” she laid a hand on his arm, “A customer, he’s a barista and he fell in love with a regular customer. That’s so cute, don’t you think? Oh, it’s a classic love story.”

“It’s not a _classic love story_ ,” Sam grunted. “I don’t know but I wouldn’t call me annoying the hell out of a customer who never really replies to my insistent nagging and blabbering a _classic love story_.” 

Martha’s eyes grew big, “So he’s the silent brooding type? It’s a classic love story.” She nodded contently to herself.

Alex patted his wife’s hand and gave her a small smile, then turned back to Sam. “You said he _was_ a regular customer at the shop? What changed?” he asked, ever observant. 

“Well, he isn’t anymore. He stopped coming.” Sam tried to play it off like it was nothing. Like it had just been a small crush and now that it was over it didn’t mean anything anymore. But he knew his tone was off, and he could feel his eyes prickling hotly. 

“Oh, dear.” Martha’s excitement disappeared, a concerned frown pulling at her eyebrows. Seeing Martha’s genuine concern made Sam’s tears rise even faster. He had had a long day, and Bucky not coming back to the store was getting to him.

Martha gave him a sad smile, “it’s alright, you know that right, Sam? You are allowed to feel torn up about this. Even if it’s just a crush, sometimes you can’t control who sweeps your heart along for a ride.”

Sam couldn’t help it, he squeezed his eyes shut, and pressed the palms of his hands to his forehead. “I just, ugh.” He groaned in frustration. “I always do this, I knew this was going to happen, and I continued it. I get way too attached.”

“It’s a good and wise thing to want to protect your heart. But doesn’t it feel amazing?” Alex asked, “doesn’t it feel amazing to let go and just… love? To say yes, I have that crush, and I’m going to cherish it, enjoy it, protect it from scrutinizing eyes and keep it safe, just for that one person? Isn’t that important to protect too, this innocent love?”

Sam looked up, dropping one hand to the table and leaning his head on the other one. “Yeah, it does feel good. Like flying, like being detached from the world around you and there’s just one feeling that matters: the freedom of being up there in the air.” Sam shook his head wistfully, “but that’s until you notice the ground below you, and see how far detached from the world you’ve become. And how far the fall is going to be. You can’t stay up in the air forever, if you don’t land, you’ll fall eventually.”

“Sometimes that’s worth it.” Martha’s voice came softly, “Sometimes all you can do is fly, knowing at some point you will fall. But you know it’s worth it.” Martha looked over at her husband, “and in the end, who knows, your guy might just catch you.”

Sam’s breath hitched in his throat. Alex’s eyes shot to Sam, immediately checking for signs. It felt like Sam’s breath was permanently stuck in his throat. He had been holding his breath then too, his hand still stretched out towards him, as he saw Riley collide with the ground, unable to catch him.


	15. An Avenger? Really, Sam?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive!  
> not much of an update, sorry. But it's something.   
> Sorry to keep you guys hanging again.  
> Now I'm getting some much-needed sleep.  
> love yall!

“Hey, Sam! I’m sorry if I interrupted you at work. Again, I’m so sorry for what I said at dinner last night.” A feminine voice was rattling against him on the phone. Before Sam could say anything, she continued. “Anyway, I bet you don’t like to be reminded of that. What I was calling you for, the guy you have a crush on, his name was Bucky, right? Bucky Barnes?” 

“…Martha? Is that you?” Sam asked, now that he could get a word in. 

“Yes! It’s me, who else did you talk with about your crush last night?” 

“No one, I just…” Sam tried to comprehend Martha suddenly calling him, even though he never even gave her his number. But she didn’t give him the room to process it, already barrelling on in their conversation. 

“Yes, anyway, Bucky Barnes, right?”

“Yeah, that’s… Martha, how did you get my number?”

“It is? I mean, I know you said he was famous, but I thought you meant he was like, I don’t know… an actor! I know I’m not that familiar with celebrities and into that world of superstardom, but an avenger? Really, Sam? You didn’t think that was something you should mention?”

“… I’m sorry, Martha. I didn’t think-” Sam said, a bit dazed. 

“Yes, yes, of course, you didn’t think. You’re in love. The last thing you’d think of to use is your actual brain. But no matter. If you had taken a second to think, you wouldn’t have been in this mess right now. You’re lucky to have me to get you out of this mess, of course” 

Sam couldn’t follow her anymore. He had been pulled out of work to answer this call. His mind was still on making macchiatos and lattes, and maybe on the door every time the bell dinged. “Martha, what are you saying?” 

He heard an exaggerated sigh, and then the rustling of paper. 

“Bucky Barnes, also known as the Winter Soldier, seen back in action. After hearing nothing from him since his last appearance at Tony Stark’s funeral, Barnes has been spotted in action together with the new avenger’s team, see picture- Oh Sam, do you want me to cut out the picture for you? I could give it to you next week.” 

Sam was stunned silent. Back in action? Of course, he was. He’s an avenger. But then he let that sink in, he’s an avenger. He knew that of course, but he hadn’t thought of what that meant. But of course, that meant going away on missions days at a time, putting himself in danger, at risk of getting killed any second. 

“Oh, I’ll just cut it out for you anyway. Do you want me to keep reading? They keep going on about his mental stability, and if he’s fit to fight but that’s not much of a question is it? He looks very fit to me. You know what? I’ll just cut out the whole article for you. Alex can take it to work with him on Monday for you if you’d like.” 

“So he was on a mission? That’s why-“

“Yes, he was on a mission, they headed out Monday morning. Wait the article said something about…” more rustling of the papers, “Oh, yes there it is. They were seen headed back this afternoon. So they should’ve arrived in New York already.”

After Martha hung up, Sam stayed in the break room for a bit. Trying to process what he had just found out. Bucky hadn't deliberately decided to not come back, he had just been away. And now he was back in New York.


	16. Sam.exe Has Stopped Working

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! another chapter :)  
> It took me a bit longer than I hoped it would take, but I'm happy I got it out now. I'm quite happy with how this chapter turned out, considering how much I've been struggling with it the past week.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

There was electricity running through Sam’s body. Sam sat down at the table in the bare and cold break room. He was drifting between relief and tension, feeling hot and cold at the same time as he put his elbows on the table and gripped the back of his head. 

Bucky hadn’t found another coffee shop to get his coffee. He hadn’t decided he didn’t want to be around Sam anymore. He had been away, with a valid reason. This realisation made relief flow through him. 

But he was still gripping his head tensely. His stomach kept clenching and unclenching. His foot was tapping the floor, his leg bouncing. Bucky was back in New York. Right now. He was within reach. 

Sam knew that was a stupid thing to get worked up about. Bucky had been within reach almost the whole time Sam had known him, and before getting that call, he had thought Bucky had been in New York the past week. But somehow knowing that he was in town now, after finding out he had been away, and finding out Bucky probably didn’t feel too badly towards with him, made Sam’s head go in overdrive. It made him feel too aware of everything around him but too distracted to focus on anything.

“Sam?” 

He released his head, looking up at Lindsey. “He was on a mission, that’s why he didn’t come in. He’s back in New York now.” He said without preamble.

Lindsey took another look at him and then sat down next to him. “That’s great Sam.” She said with a soft smile on her face. 

“Yeah, I know. Just…” he held a hand to his forehead. “Why does he take up so much space in my head? I should just be happy and go on. But here I am, overthinking it.”

Lindsey laughed, “Of course you’re overthinking it. That’s just you, Sam.”

Sam groaned, “I wish I didn’t.”

“I know, I know.” Lindsey said, laying a hand on his shoulder, “I guess saying ‘don’t overthink it too much’ won’t help. But I’ll say this: enjoy it, feel it. Even the negative things.”

“Since when did you get so wise?” Sam asked, a small smirk playing on her face.

Lindsey shrugged, “I discovered mindfulness.” She got up, “Anyway, I’m getting back to work. Take your time, if it does get busy, I’ll get you.”

Sam nodded, trying to calm his heartbeat. He was overreacting over this crush. He stood to make himself a warm beverage, deciding that after a nice cup of tea he should get back to work.

But before he had fully finished his cup, Lindsey came back in. When she saw him sitting with his cup of tea, she asked “Feeling better?” 

Sam nodded “Yeah, I could use a bit of a break. Did you come to get me to help you handle the crowd? I’ll come right away.”

“Eh, no. Not exactly.” Lindsey said carefully, “Bucky just came in.” 

_“What?”_

“He just came in. Margaret is now preparing his order.”

“He _just_ came back from that mission. Why would he…” Sam frowned.

“I know, he must’ve been really in need of a coffee. Though he did seem a bit less enthusiastic once Margaret was taking his order…”

Sam rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure Lindsey was making that up to ease him.

Lindsey peeked back out of the door, “Ah, yes. Now he’s in the back sulking over his coffee.”

Sam tried to process this information, but instead, his head gave the error that Sam.exe had stopped working. 

“Go see for yourself,” Lindsey said. There was a self-satisfied smile playing on her face as she disappeared back into the shop.

Sam stood up and slowly made his way back into the shop. He scanned the tables, Lindsey had lied, it was busy. After a few seconds he spotted Bucky’s head of hair, he was in the back indeed. Sam couldn’t see his face, he seemed to be hiding behind his hair. But his shoulders were slumped and his posture screamed ‘exhausted’. It was eleven at night, Bucky had come back from a mission and looked exhausted. Instead of going to bed, like a responsible adult he had come here to get _coffee_ of all things. Had no one educated this man on the effects of caffeine? 

And then Sam noticed that all he had was coffee, just a cup. Nothing else. This man had just come back from a dangerous mission, looked exhausted, and Margaret hadn’t even offered him cake? What was this shop coming to?

A minute later Sam was making his way over, chocolate cake in hand. Lindsey had given him a playful push towards Bucky’s table after she saw him putting the cake on his account, “Go get him.”

Sam couldn’t help but roll his eyes, he was just doing the man a favour. Nothing else. 

“You forgot your cake. You said chocolate was your favourite, right?”

Bucky’s head snapped up, his mouth dropping open a bit before he could generate an answer. “Y-yeah, it is. Thanks.” He took the cake, but his eyes stayed on Sam. He seemed to be taking him in as he stood before Bucky, his hands now empty. Sam was looking back but then realized that he didn’t have any reason to stand there anymore, having given the cake away. So he coughed, “anyway-“

Bucky’s eyes widened, snapping back up to Sam’s face and quickly interrupted him, “Are you busy?”

Sam looked over his shoulder at Lindsey and Margaret quite hurriedly taking orders, and noticed that all the tables in the shop were filled. “No, not at all,” he said with a smile on his face.

Bucky sat back, a satisfied look on his face, and kicked out the chair next to him. The implication was clear, and Sam couldn’t help the rush of warmth coursing through him. 

As Sam sat down, he noticed that the exhaustion Bucky had worn before seemed to have slipped off him. He was sitting upright, his eyes were bright, and seemed quite animated. There was even one of those rare smiles playing on his face. One of those smiles that seemed only for just between the two of them. At least, Sam hoped it was a smile just for him. 

Bucky took a sip of his coffee. Sam didn’t miss the fact that when Bucky put the cup back down, he put it down with the side with his name on it to Sam. And there was in Margaret’s neat handwriting Bucky’s name, spelt exactly right. Bucky stared him down as he took his first bite of the cake (the stare becoming a bit less intimidating as Bucky groaned at the flavour of the cake). Sam ignored it, of course (the staring, not the groan. God, that groan). 

“So what have you been up to?” Sam asked making conversation, but also curious about what Bucky would tell him.

Bucky stopped chewing abruptly, before quickly trying to swallow his bite and almost choking. After he was done coughing (and when Sam was looking a bit less worried), he said “Oh, I had a work trip. Nothing much.”

Subtle, Barnes. Real subtle, Sam thought.

“Oh, had fun?” 

Bucky had a content smile on his face as he looked down at his fork. “Yeah, it went well. Beforehand I was nervous about it, it was nerve-wracking. But it turned out quite well. Better than I expected.”

“Oh, so not nothing much then?”

Bucky huffed out a laugh, his eyes travelling back up to Sam’s face, “No I guess not. Not for me at least.” Then his eyes flicked back down and he took another bite of his cake.

Sam didn’t mind though, it allowed him to look shamelessly. He was adorable as he ate, sometimes even closing his eyes when tasting the cake on his tongue. And where Sam had the habit to shove as much food in his mouth as possible, Bucky had barely any food on his fork with every bite he took. 

For a second all Sam could physically do was sit there and stare at the man sitting beside him. An unreal feeling of warmth, happiness and relief creeping up on him. Like suddenly a weight was lifted off his shoulders. What had he been so worried about when this felt so easy, so natural? He didn’t care if Bucky saw him as just another barista, as long as they could keep having moments like this. Moments just between the two of them. 

Then he shook himself out of it. “Come on, give me a bite of that cake. I deserve it, I walked all the way over here after all. Very hard work.”  
Bucky shook his head in humour and pushed the cake in Sam’s direction.


	17. But That Body, Damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a new chapter!   
> after this, I'm going to get really busy again. So I can't guarantee any updates for now.   
> Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

The days after Bucky came back from the mission, Bucky came back to the shop consistently. Sam continued with writing stupid names on the cups, Bucky continued to look annoyed and done with Sam’s shit. It was perfect. It went back to the way it was before Bucky went away on his mission. 

Well, except for one thing. Bucky was constantly smiling these days, even if it was just the smallest upwards twitch of his lips. Before Bucky had always looked so exhausted. He’d barely look Sam in the eye as if he was too tired to lift his eyes up, an invisible force dragging them down. Sam was happy to see the change, he revelled in those eyes on him and was happy to see Bucky in such a good mood. He did wonder what had caused the change though.

He had to say, it was becoming increasingly harder to think up new alterations of Bucky’s name. The last name he had come up with that still was somewhat -not much- similar to Bucky’s was Bitchy, which had earned him merely a raised eyebrow. After that last name, Sam had just decided to say fuck it. Bucky had caught on by now anyway, no more use trying to pretend he was still trying to get his name right.

The first name he wrote down that Monday was Ted. Bucky had been standing at the counter as he read it. That adorably confused frown tugged at his eyebrows and lips for a second before he promptly put the cup down and exclaimed a “Really?”, then he narrowed his eyes, leaning over the bar and said again, but in a lower voice, “Really?”. As Sam put up his most convincing innocent and questioning eyes, he smirked on the inside. Oh, Bucky was so done with him. 

On Tuesday, Sam took his time thinking up a name after Bucky had articulated his name very clearly for him. He stood there, chewing on the end of the pen trying to make up a good one, Bucky’s watchful stare on him the whole time. He decided on Jonathan, not even trying to hide his triumphant expression when he came up with the name. When Bucky had seen the name, he had looked away and taken a deep breath in through his nose, letting out a tiny growl. Sam couldn’t help but find it very sexy.

Then, yesterday, he had written down Chris. Bucky had glared at him, but nothing more. He seemed to be accepting this new trend in names. Sam couldn’t possibly accept that. He needed to come up with more creative names if he wanted to keep the fun going. This amused Lindsey when he asked her for inspiration today.

“You could go over and make conversation with him, you know? Drop some jokes, entertain him that way. It’s less complicated and it’s nothing you haven’t done before.”

Sam gave her a shove, “You know damn well it isn’t that easy.”

“Or just ask him out already, you’re fun. He’d like that.”

Sam froze, while in the middle of making coffee. “What? No.” he squeaked, suddenly having lost control of his voice.

Lindsey shrugged, “Why not?”

“He’s probably not even gay. He’s in a vulnerable position, in a century he’s totally unfamiliar with. I’m not going to take advantage of that. He’s probably just in need of a friend.”

Lindsey sighed, “Fine, keep hiding behind the counter then.”

Lindsey was no use for inspiration. 

Today he came in earlier than usual, giving Sam even less time to come up with something new and creative. He was wearing jogging pants and a sweater. The loose garments somehow didn’t make his form any less appealing. The jogging pants were hanging low on his hips. The sweater was zipped open to well over his chest, showing the shirt beneath, and more importantly, part of his chest and shoulders. For a second, all Sam could think of was licking that pearl of sweat right of his collarbo- nope. No way. He was not going to fantasize about a customer, in the middle of the shop like that, while taking his order. 

“Been running?”

Bucky grinned big, “Yeah, forgot how good it is to exercise in the open air. I really need to do this more often.” 

Sam couldn’t help but agree with that wholeheartedly, he wouldn’t mind having Bucky regularly come in the shop looking like this. Oh, he was such a hypocrite, lusting after Bucky like this just after he told Lyndsey he didn’t want to take advantage of him. But that body, damn.

Bucky ordered a cinnamon latte. Sam gave up on being creative and wrote down the first name that he could come up with on the cup, James. He selected the coffee cake, the last cake currently in the shop which Bucky hadn’t tried yet. It made him sort of sad, He had enjoyed watching him explore the different flavours a bit too much.

When he handed Bucky his products, innocent smile in place, Bucky was shaking his head in silent laughter at Sam’s overly innocent expression. The moment seemed to freeze for a second, and Sam took it in. Bucky was beautiful. His hair up in a bun, strands that had come loose during running hanging in his face. Strands that were daring him to touch them, to tuck them behind Bucky’s ear as he was leaning over the counter with that shy grin on his face. 

Then Bucky looked down at his cup, but instead of annoyance, a look of confusion started to form on his face. He glanced back up at Sam, his eyes growing big and bewildered, “Did you…?” 

Sam blinked, “What’s wrong? Is it the coffee? I didn’t put anything unusual in it.” 

Bucky visibly calmed down, “oh.” He huffed out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief “Don’t worry. It’s alright.” 

“Okay, if there’s anything I can do for you, I’m at your service,” Sam said, still worriedly searching Bucky’s face for a sign of distress. 

“Thanks, Sam,” Bucky said in a low voice, a smile still tugging at his lips, already busy with gathering his order.

He barely heard it, too distracted by his face. Then he suddenly backtracked, Sam? He remembered his name! It’s been weeks since he heard that name. As Sam looked after Bucky’s retreating form, a dopey grin started to take over his concerned frown, Bucky remembered his name. 

“You are so in love.” Lyndsey suddenly said next to him, startling him. “And he too, it’s so cute!”

“Lyndsey, he’s literally right there.” He hissed, glancing at Bucky making his way to a table. Making sure he didn’t catch that. “I’d like to make my declaration of love myself, thank you very much.” Bucky hadn’t noticed anything, thankfully. 

“Oh? So you’re finally going to?” 

“We’ve just been over this. You know I can’t.” Sam sighed. 

“I give it…” She tapped her chin, “Three weeks.” 

“You’ve already placed bets with Margaret and Charlotte, haven’t you?” 

“Yep.”


	18. You're back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update!   
> This is just a teaser, sort of, sorry in advance. It isn't much. But I do have more! It just needs to be edited and then I'll put it up. Editing is just a bitch so I decided to put this up already.   
> Thanks for bearing with me, enjoy!

As Sam was wiping down tables, the shop was empty except for him. There were never that many people around on the night shifts. Sam imagined that potential customers preferred some other kind of drinks at one am on a Saturday, like alcoholic ones. Because the night shifts are always this easy, his boss only scheduled on of them for it, and Sam volunteered to do it most of the time. Since there were only stray drunks or late workers who stumbled in from time to time, the Saturday night shift was quite peaceful. Sam liked that, having the time for himself. 

Having wiped down all the tables -not that it had been needed really- Sam sat back down behind the counter. As he looked out in the shop, thinking back to the shift that evening, a warm feeling settled over him. It filled him up like it did every time he thought back to his interaction with Bucky a few hours ago. 

It hadn’t been out of the ordinary, they hadn’t even had what you could call a conversation but Bucky had smiled at him and like every interaction with Bucky it had brightened his day. Bucky had been dressed casually, his hair down, partly put up with what Sam supposed was a hair clip, but he couldn’t see. He could see that Bucky had put care in it though, and he liked that. He liked the idea of Bucky standing in front of the mirror in the morning, figuring out what to do with his hair. Or did he have lady friends who did it for him? That made his head wander to what it would feel like to play with his hair, braid it- not that Sam knew how to braid hair. 

Bucky’s hand had brushed his as he had taken his cappuccino from Sam, and Sam still couldn’t believe it had been real. That that hand that he’d touched was real. That Bucky was real. That smile, usually directed at him was not a figment of his imagination, as well as those eyes, those wonderful blue eyes, glaring or questioning, they were real too. 

Sam took out his sketching book, which was usually hidden under the counter for evenings like this. He liked to draw and doodle when he had nothing to do, nothing too serious. He couldn’t draw realistically anyway, just cartoons and stick figures doing ridiculous stuff. Sometimes short comics, when he had the time and the commitment. He’d draw customers, just to practice. Though, he was drawing a certain customer more and more. Sam sketched Bucky in all the outfits he’d wear to the store and more. He liked to imagine what else would look good on Bucky and he’d draw that as well. One thing he could never get bored with though was drawing Bucky’s hair, he was never satisfied with how he represented it on paper. Which was why he could endlessly keep drawing on nights like this, getting lost in all the details that are never just right. Drawing from memory is hard. Trying to convey Bucky’s death glare on paper was impossible.

Sam startled when the bell of the door dinged. Quickly shutting his sketchbook on instinct, even though the customer’s view of what he was doing was blocked by the counter. When he looked up there were a weird three seconds of malfunction. His brain was somehow unable to connect the dots that the man he just had been drawing endlessly was standing in front of him right now. 

“You’re back” Was all his mouth could produce. 

“Uh, yeah. I just- I mean- You guys are still open right?” Bucky said, his eyes wandering the empty shop, and landing back on Sam, standing lonesome behind the counter. “I’m not really good with Google yet but it said…” Bucky trailed off as Sam pulled himself together and showed him a welcoming smile.


	19. Saturdays Aren't For Sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update!!  
> I'm sorry I made you guys wait, I wanted to put it up somewhat earlier, but then I got distracted, oops.  
> I'm really really excited about this chapter, I had so much fun writing it!   
>  I hope you guys enjoy it too :)  
> Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts

“We’re still open, don’t worry. It’s not that busy around this time.”

Bucky frowned “Doesn’t that get boring then?”

Sam hummed, “not so much boring as peaceful, I think. But the company is always welcome.” He winked, and then quickly turned away, pretending to be busy while rolling his eyes at himself. Did he just wink? Why did he do that? Oh god, that was so awkward.

But Bucky laughed, “Well, I guess it’s good I’m here then, to keep you company.”

“I’m just curious though, what are you doing here at 2 am on a Saturday?” Sam asked carefully, not wishing to offend him.

“I couldn’t sleep, I never do on Saturdays. So, I thought I could just as well take a walk.”

“Oh, can’t sleep? That’s really rough, taking a walk is a good solution.” Sam offered. “I remember the first few months after I came back from Afghanistan. I couldn’t sleep a wink. My bed was too soft.”

He saw a flicker of recognition in Bucky’s eyes, but then Bucky looked down with a wry smile on his face, mumbling something about warmth. When he looked back up his eyes were clear, intent, “You were in the army?”

“Yeah, but it’s quite some time ago. That part of my life is definitely over.” Sam said with a sigh. It was his turn now to look down, he didn’t like thinking back to how that part of his life ended. Bucky looked at him with a thoughtful look in his eyes, as if he was carefully fitting that information with his image of Sam.  
Sam decided to change the subject, “Why Saturdays, though?”

“What?” Bucky said, startled out of his staring at Sam.

“You said you never sleep on Saturdays?” 

“Oh, yeah. I have quite a busy life, do a lot of training, a lot of work. But my friends say I need to ‘rest’ too, so they’ve forbidden me to do anything intense on Saturdays. Which makes it impossible to sleep for me.” Bucky explained, “I need to tire myself out, or I don’t sleep.” Then Bucky yawned, and Sam couldn’t help but laugh at him. Bucky blushed, rubbing the back of his head, “Doesn’t mean I’m not tired though. Just can’t get a wink of sleep.”

Sam gave him a wry smile, “trust me, I get it. But it sounds to me like you’re not treating the real issue by tiring yourself out. Your friends may have a point.”  
Bucky groaned in annoyance, “When do they not? I guess you’re right, and I know it. I’m just not ready to confront all of that.”

Sam shrugged, “It’s up to you. Anyway, you’re always welcome to spend your Saturday nights here until you figure it out. I’m always up for some company.” Which wasn’t the truth, Sam preferred the shop being empty on Saturday nights so he could just sketch. But for Bucky, he could definitely make an exception. 

Bucky smiled thankfully. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“But what can I get you? I bet you didn’t just come to hear me reminiscing about my old army days.” 

“Eh,” Bucky glanced at the menu behind Sam, “just a regular coffee this time, I think.”

Sam raised his eyebrow, “You come in here, telling me you can’t sleep and then you order a coffee? Nope. No way. You’re getting a hot chocolate. You can’t make me serve you _coffee_. Unlike you, I’m responsible.”

Bucky stilled in his movements at Sam’s stream of words. 

“Unless you really do want coffee? I mean, that was kind of rude of me. I can get-“

Bucky laughed, interrupting him. His eyes pleasantly twinkling at Sam’s stuttering. “A hot chocolate is good. Better even, now you mention it.” 

Sam nodded, deciding he should keep his mouth shut for now. As he made Bucky his hot chocolate, he expected Bucky to fall silent too and find a place to sit, but he hovered around, watching Sam make his drink, continuing their conversation. “Coffee doesn’t really do anything for me, that’s why I didn’t think about it being strange to order coffee when you can’t sleep. It only has an effect on me in high dosages.”

Oh, that was interesting. Sam supposed that had something to do with being a super-soldier. “High dosages as in four espresso shots?” Sam said, thinking back to the day before Bucky went on his mission. 

“Oh yeah, I ordered that, didn’t I? That didn’t do much actually. I guess I need more than that for it to have any effect.”

“Even more than that?” Sam’s mouth fell open, “Man, are you even human? I’d be bouncing around with that amount of caffeine.” 

Bucky’s face fell flat at Sam’s words, looking down at his hands. Then he looked back up with a strained smile, “Yeah, I don’t know what it is.”

Sam wished he could just bang his head on the counter without it looking weird. Of course, the words ‘are you even human’ wouldn’t land well with Bucky. He decided to distract him, “How about you go find a seat, and I’ll bring you your order in a second?” 

“Yeah sure.” Bucky went to the couches placed along the back of the store. He sat down in the corner. This way two sides of him were covered. It was the corner closest to the counter and Sam had a perfect view of Bucky while preparing his hot chocolate, and he supposed Bucky had the perfect view of Sam as well. He didn’t dare think that was why Bucky had chosen that spot though.

Sam picked out a chocolate cake to go with Bucky’s order and made his way over to him. He sat down next to Bucky on the couch as he handed him his order. As he sat down though, Bucky stood up resting the top of his fingers on Sam’s shoulder “Give me a second”. He made his way past Sam out of the booth, brushing past Sam’s knees on the way. He made his way over to the cutlery stand. 

“I thought you didn’t take any extra sugar with your drinks? I already got you a fork.” Sam commented, lazily putting his legs up on the table. 

“I know!” Bucky said looking back. He showed him his acquisition: another fork. “It’s for you,” he said throwing the fork towards him. “Knowing you, you’re going to steal my food anyway.”

“Hey! I’ve been working hard. can you blame me?”

Bucky laughed in response and made his way back. When Sam cheekily left his legs up on the table with a smirk, blocking Bucky’s way to his spot, Bucky raised an eyebrow in response. Just as Sam was about to let up and get his legs out of the way, Bucky effortlessly picked up Sam’s legs, moving under them quickly and gently laid them back down. He settled next to Sam comfortably, taking a sip of his drink.

They talked as Bucky shared his cake with Sam, about stupid things, about serious things. At some point Bucky accidentally threw cake at Sam, leaving Bucky mortified and hastily reaching for napkins to wipe Sam’s face. All Sam could do was laugh, not even caring that Bucky had just ruined his work clothes. Bucky spent most of the night in the shop, Sam was with Bucky most of the time, unless he had to take an order or came up with a task he still had to fulfil. But he made his way back to Bucky as soon as he could without it looking too desperate. Wishing to spent as much time with Bucky, even if it was spent just sitting next to each other in comfortable silence.


	20. A Shit Ton Of Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! yes, I'm back with an update!  
> Fun fact, I'm really proud of myself. At the beginning of the month I set a goal for myself: to publish four chapters this month, and now I did. As I set the goal, I felt really pressured and was ready to fail, I thought I had put the bar too high for myself. But I managed to, and really enjoyed doing it! So for the next month, I'll try to put up another four chapters :)   
> Enjoy this chapter! It's just a filler chapter, but somehow I got excited while writing and managed to fill the chapter itself out a bit.   
> And don't be afraid of leaving a comment.

Sam didn’t necessarily mind not seeing Bucky on Sunday, since he had spent a whole night with him. That didn’t mean Sam’s mind hadn’t been occupied with Bucky (his voice, his gestures, his laugh) the whole day. As he sat at home, relaxing on his day off, he couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky would show up to the shop anyway and if he did whether he’d be disappointed. 

Then, waking up on Monday had excitement thrumming in his veins. He’d see Bucky again. He was up and about earlier than usual, too restless to stay in bed. And throughout the day, his mind kept straying to Bucky, was he excited to see Sam again too? 

At the VA, Alex shot him some worried, but also knowing looks when Sam kept messing things up, too distracted to function properly. Of course, Alex new what kind of something was up without Sam even having to tell him, Sam rolled his eyes at him. It was a pity that Mondays were busier than any other day in the week, and since Sam kept messing up he also spent more time cleaning up, so he didn’t have the time to talk to Alex. 

Luckily, later in the day, as he arrived at the Starbuck’s, Lindsey was all ears. He had sent her a few texts Saturday nights, between moments with Bucky. But the texts had mainly existed out of typos, question marks and exclamation points. When Lindsey had asked what the hell had been going on the next morning, Sam had just replied with one word: Bucky. He knew it would freak her out, but he was freaking out as well so it was only fair.

But he told her all the details now, Lindsey’s mouth had dropped open in surprise, “You fucking did it. Finally!”

Charlotte, who had been listening along, squealed and hugged him excitedly, “That's the fucking Winter Soldier you’re seducing. Holy shit.”

Sam choked and then burst out laughing. The words ‘seducing the Winter Soldier created a ridiculous image in his head. It was him, spread out naked on the counter they were now standing behind, with a rose between his lips while Bucky walked into the shop in full Winter Soldier gear. 

No. Seducing was not the word he would use for his stuttering and blushing when he was around Bucky and his mind couldn’t connect the Winter Soldier that Charlotte thought of to the Bucky that he had just spent his Saturday night with. 

Then he had an idea, maybe he could change that. A smirk started playing on his lips, he knew how to fuck with Bucky next.

When Bucky finally walked into the shop that evening, Sam felt like he had been waiting forever. As Bucky saw him behind the counter, there was an open smile on his face. Sam smiled back broadly and noticed that something in the air between them had changed. Saturday night was like a shared secret, changing their rules of interaction, making them more familiar with each other. It was like they knew something all the other people in the shop didn’t. 

Bucky looked impeccable, he was wearing a suit that must’ve been tailored for him because damn it fit his body really well. 

“What can I get ya, my good sir?” Sam asked, mocking him with a bow.   
Bucky sighed resignedly, looking down at his clothes, “It’s the suit isn’t it?”. Sam nodded gravely in response. 

Then Bucky straightened up, and took on a posh voice, going along in Sam’s game “Well, is there anything you’d recommend me, sir?”

Sam broke his role, “I don’t know man,” he sighed. “We have a shit ton of coffee.”

Bucky shook his head in laughter, looking down. When he looked back up at Sam, his eyes were bright with mirth. 

Sam couldn’t help but add, “You look like you could use a shit ton of coffee though. You’ve come to the right place.”

Bucky’s smile turned into a glare, but the mirth shining in his eyes didn’t disappear. 

It wasn’t true though; Bucky didn’t look like he needed coffee at al. He looked good, healthy, energetic even. 

Before Bucky had gone on that mission Sam hadn’t seen Bucky like this, and since he had, but it had been on rare occasions. What was it about the mission that it had this effect on Bucky? 

Had the anticipation of the mission been so stressful? Or had Bucky just been like that, until he had found his purpose again? Maybe Bucky was back in his element now, being in the kind of business he was best at. The kind of business he had always known.

Bucky ordered a Frappuccino, even though they were nearing the end of September and the temperatures were dropping. As Sam took a while to prepare the order, Bucky lingered around instead of finding a seat. Sam felt his heart drop at the possibility that Bucky might immediately leave after he got his coffee. He always ordered a to go, because sometimes he left before finishing his whole coffee and he’d take it with him. But he always spent some time in the shop, Sam hoped desperately that wouldn’t change. Not that Sam did anything other than stare at Bucky while he was in the shop, he just didn’t want to miss out on that precious stare-time. 

Sam remembered what he had come up with to fuck with Bucky now, and a smirk started playing on his lips. Bucky definitely noticed, and his eyes narrowed. He’d start it out simple. He wrote down ‘Summer Soldier’ on the cup, and drew a cartoon of a smiling sun next to it. It wasn’t his moth creative work, but there were a lot of ways to go from here. 

Sam picked a pumpkin cake to go with it and handed the order to Bucky.   
But when Bucky noticed the name written on the cup he blinked. His smile faded and it was like the weight that had seemed to be lifted off Bucky’s shoulders was back.

“Nice little cartoon,” was the next thing Bucky produced, holding up the cup. His hand was shaking slightly and the smile he was trying to maintain didn’t reach his eyes. Eyes that hadn’t left the name written on the cup.

What had happened? Was it the name? how could he fix it? Should he apologize? But before Sam could say anything Bucky was already walking to a table and out of reach. Sam stood there, staring after him.   
Bucky sat down for about three minutes, staring at the cup before he took his first bite of the cake. Then when he finished the cake Bucky made his way out of the shop, coffee in hand. Sam didn’t think he’d seen him take a sip yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for ending this on a sad note :(   
> You can be mad at me in the comments if you want to.


	21. These Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!   
> This isn't much, and I'm not really content with it, but I really wanted to put something out. Right now, I'm really really busy and just not feeling too well. So I hope I can still keep writing but I don't know

Bucky did return to get coffee the days after Sam’s miscalculation, but the rhythm that they had just barely established that day had vanished. They barely exchanged a word now. Bucky seemed off, distracted. He couldn’t look Sam in the eye while ordering, but as he’d sit down with his coffee, his eyes were on Sam the whole time. Studying him while he was working, taking him in. It led to some awkward moments in which their gazes crossed and they both pretended their eyes hadn’t sought the other out. 

On Bucky’s cups, Sam wrote the casual names again, like Bernard or Thomas. Bucky didn’t really smile at them anymore though. His eyes would stay pinned to the cup as if every single cup of coffee Sam handed Bucky now had the cursed words Summer Soldier written all over it in some inscription that only Bucky could read.

Sam regretted writing that stupid name on the cup so much. He should have anticipated the complications of alluding to Bucky’s alter ego. It was obvious Bucky didn’t like to be associated with the Winter Soldier anymore. By now, the world may have accepted that the Winter Soldier was a good guy now, but Bucky probably didn’t. 

When Saturday came around, Sam felt nauseous the whole day. Last week he had hoped and assumed Bucky might come to the store more Saturday nights from then on if he couldn’t sleep. He had been looking forward to this Saturday, but now he dreaded it. He dreaded the confirmation of the shattering of his dream.  
Sam assumed Bucky enjoyed spending time with him because he thought Sam didn’t know who he actually was. Maybe Bucky had been relying on Sam treating him like a regular person, taking him out of his life as an avenger for a few hours. Sam had shattered that bubble for him. Was Sam the only person with whom Bucky could forget about his past? 

No, Sam thought, Bucky wouldn’t come tonight, Sam had lost his worth as a safe haven.

Bucky did come in that afternoon. Their interactions were as terse as they had been the whole week. Even though the end of the summer was nearing, and it was getting more chilly every day, Bucky was on a roll with trying out all the could coffees. He ordered an Iced Shaken Doubleshot, today. His eyes were still on the menu as he placed his order, and he didn’t bother with saying his name. Sam wrote ‘Simon’ on the cup and made him his coffee. He added a caramel apple pie to go with the coffee and handed the order to Bucky, who smiled politely and mumbled thanks before taking off and finding a seat. 

Sam sighed deeply as he slumped against the counter and watched Bucky walk away, his shoulders slumped. 

Then Charlotte joined him, her eyes following his and also falling on Bucky’s form. “What happened between the two of you?” Charlotte asked, a worried tone creeping into her voice, “things were going so well.”

Sam shrugged, looking away from Bucky he resumed to his work. 

“Sam…” Charlotte sighed, turning to him. Sam could see her searching for the right words, “I know that I joke around a lot. I tease you, laugh at your attempts of flirting… But I do think the two of you have something good going on. Something rare.” When Sam didn’t react, she adjusted her stance, leaning her hip against the counter and lay a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “It really is something, Sam. You should go talk to him, whatever went wrong, you can’t let it fuck all this up. I can see how much you don’t want it to.”

Sam looked up at her, letting her words sink in. Charlotte was the last person he thought he’d ever have this conversation with, he took a moment to process that. Charlotte, who was seeing them from the outside, who wasn’t really involved in his drama with Bucky, thought that what they had was more than just some flirting. That what he had built with Bucky was something he should be fighting for. “What you’re saying, it sounds right. It’s good to hear it. But I fucked it up and it’s over now. I should just deal with that and not make it go on longer than necessary.” 

Charlotte sighed, “So, you fucked up. Did you apologize to him?” she asked him sternly. As she was standing there, her arms folded and staring him down, she reminded Sam of his mother. He wished he could talk to her about this, she always knew what to do. 

“Well…” Sam thought back, had he said sorry? Was there even anything concrete to apologize for? _I’m sorry I probably fucked with your head by writing down a nickname of your evil alter ego that you’re trying to forget._ He didn’t see that going down well. 

“I see how it is. You didn’t. You should, though. You should apologize, right now.” As Sam opened his mouth to protest, she continued, “and don’t you start about him not wanting to hear it. He still comes back every day, doesn’t he? Go.” 

When Sam still didn’t move, she sighed exasperatedly, “You care, you didn’t want to fuck this all up. That’s a fact. He should know that fact, doesn’t he deserve to know that fact?”

Sam cocked his head, that sounded reasonable. He didn’t want to bring up the name, not knowing it was really the cause of their distance, but he could let him know that he cared. That he didn’t want anything to ruin what they had, and they could work from there. 

Charlotte smiled, seeing the realisation dawn on Sam’s face. She gave him a gentle shove, “Go.”

Then the bell of the door dinged, and they both saw Bucky exit the shop. 

Charlotte groaned loudly, “these two,” she threw her hands up in the air.


	22. Bucky's Rant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Okay it's 2 am here, and I just had an inspirational bout of about three hours in which I wrote two chapters. I only managed to edit this one because right now, I am so freaking tired.  
> I'm so excited about these chapters though!! I had so much fun writing it and I couldn't stop writing. So, they're either going to be absolute genius chapters, or flop and suck. I guess I, myself will only be able to be the judge of that tomorrow when I'm not this tired and just a general mess.   
> I really hope you enjoy it!  
> feel free to leave kudos/comments :)

“Come on, Sam. He won’t be gone forever. Just apologize to him on Monday.”

Sam kept on cleaning the tables stoically, “He could be though, gone forever. Maybe this was my last chance and I fucked it up. Should I have gone after him?”

“That would’ve been quite a dramatic scene, probably fit for a rom-com.” Charlotte mused.

The shop was empty but for the two of them. Sam had been in a sour mood ever since Bucky had left the shop. His mind was ruminating on how he could mend this thing between them. 

“Would you mind if I go home somewhat earlier tonight? There’s no one in anymore anyway and all your drama is quite tiring.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine,” Sam told her. 

As soon as she was gone, Sam took a pause from cleaning and leaned against one of the tables. He looked around the shop and sighed, it would be another long night on his own.

He started working down his list of mandatory chores, and then some. He lost himself in the work, he liked to work with his hands, physical labour. Working in a coffee shop wasn’t the optimal place for that, and he could feel it in the unrest in his body in his daily life. 

He could really miss that aspect of his life sometimes, that aspect of the army. The part where you would just turn off your brain and go. Save as many lives as you can. And lose some or more than some. That had always been the hard part. Hard to turn your brain off for that.

Sam didn’t know how much time had passed when the bell signalling a customer dinged. He was crouched by the fridge underneath the counter, putting the last of the milk away, and banged his head on the fridge at the sound, exclaiming an “Oh fuck,” in pain. He emerged from behind the counter holding one hand to the back of his head where it hurt. 

“Excuse my language, I hit-“

He froze.

There was Bucky, standing a few feet in front of the counter, fidgeting nervously with a sheepish smile on his face, “Hi.”

Just that word stunned Sam even more than just seeing him. That word alone created more of a connection between them than all the words they had spoken to each other that whole week. As if those words were never meant for each other. Like they had been directed at each other but had never landed where they had been aimed. This simple ‘hi’ landed with Sam, and he didn’t know if it was because of the sheepish smile on Bucky’s face, or the fact that he was finally looking him in the eye or because there was something he knew now that he didn’t know before. Which was that he didn’t want to lose Bucky, he didn’t want anything to separate them and would do anything to keep Bucky coming back to this stupid coffee shop he worked at. 

Maybe had hit his head a bit harder than he thought.

He couldn’t produce a coherent sentence explaining all of this, so all he said was a squeaky “Hi” as well. Still holding one hand to the back of his head. 

Bucky approached the counter, “I… uh, I couldn’t sleep.” He said quietly, looking down at his hands, apologetically. Like a child coming downstairs to his mother, asking for a glass of warm milk. 

Sam frowned in sympathy, “Oh, nightmares?” he asked. It must’ve been quite bad if he decided to break his silent treatment with Sam because of it.

Bucky, now standing right in front of him, looked up with a wondering look on his face. “Oh yeah, I guess you’d know about that.” 

It dawned on Sam that Bucky had never told him about his trauma, his past, nightmares. He let his hand drop from his head and gripped the counter instead, “Look, I’m so sorry for-“

“It wasn’t that though.” Bucky interrupted him, and Sam was glad. He didn’t know how to explain all that he was sorry for. Presuming he had nightmares? Leading Bucky on, letting him think Sam didn’t know who he was? Not apologizing immediately? 

Bucky continued talking while Sam was having an internal breakdown, “I couldn’t sleep because I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, the cup and me being me and all, I just I didn’t know what to do, what to feel and think. I felt like I just had to do something about it, and realized that you w-were here you know?”

Sam blinked, Bucky was ranting, saying more words than he had heard him say in one go. He hadn’t thought it possible. 

Then Sam shook himself out of his stupor and looked at Bucky, really looked. He was shaking, his hair was hanging in strings in front of his face and his eyes were flicking all over the place as he stuttered his way through the words he was saying.

He immediately jumped into action, “Hey man, it’s alright.” He leaned across the counter, putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, giving him a point to focus on. Sam tried to smile kindly while he was stressing out himself. “How about we just take a second to calm down? I’m here, we can talk. I have the whole night.” 

Bucky’s eyes focused on his face, and Sam could see him take a few steadying breaths. He gave him an encouraging smile, “that’s right. How about you find us a seat? I can make you a hot chocolate in the meantime?” Close enough to some warm milk, right?

Bucky nodded, licking his lips before muttering a small “yeah, sure.”

Sam immediately got to work making two hot chocolates. He wanted to give Bucky some time to himself to recollect himself and gather his words, but he didn’t want to leave him alone too long, make him doubt himself or anything. 

When he made his way over to Bucky with two cups in his hands, Bucky had settled in the spot where they had sat the previous week. There was a backpack resting at his feet. 

“Here you go.” He handed Bucky his hot chocolate and settled down next to him. There was a tense silence as they both took a sip of their drinks. Sam fidgeted with his cup but didn’t dare look in Bucky’s direction. He had the tendency to start talking whenever a silence fell, but he didn’t think that was what Bucky needed right now. Bucky needed to say his piece, and Sam would give him the room to do that.


	23. I'll Take You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again!
> 
> Here it is! Bucky will finally talk :)   
> I want to thank you guys for being patient. I thought I'd post it on sunday, but this chapter has become a bit of my baby and I wanted to perfect this as much as possible. I hope it turned out well, enjoy reading!

Sam couldn’t help but fidget as silence encompassed them. They sat next to each other, looking out into the empty coffee shop. Bucky took another sip of his hot chocolate and put the coffee cup back on the table, his every move orchestrated delicately. 

He turned the slightest bit towards Sam, “I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking,”

he swallowed visibly, and his voice turned hoarse with the next few words, “couldn’t stop thinking about you,” a small frown formed on his face, “and me. Well, us.” 

Sam nodded to encourage him to keep speaking. 

“I…” Bucky cleared his throat, “I was a bit... thrown off by the name you wrote on my cup, this Monday,” he continued hesitantly.

There was a lot Sam wanted to say at that moment, his chest almost bursting with words and apologies, but he held back. He gave Bucky the time to say more if he wanted to.

But Bucky didn’t say anything else. He looked up at Sam and searched his face for a reaction. 

“Yeah, I... thought it might have.” Sam brought a hand up to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut. “It was a stupid mistake. I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have … I, I just-“

Then, Sam felt the slightest touch. He opened his eyes again to see Bucky’s flesh hand resting gently on his bare arm, calling his attention. As Bucky protested, “no! no. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted to  
explain my behaviour. It’s not your fault.” Bucky's eyes had widened, he was sitting upright, his body fully turned towards Sam now. 

Then he visibly calmed down, taking a breath to steady himself. "It's not you," he said. He dropped his hand from Sam's arm, Sam couldn't help but regret the loss. Bucky's eyes left Sam’s face, to look down at his hands instead. He took a breath, carefully articulating his next few words, “I  
-stupidly- thought you didn’t know who I was. I depended on that, in my head. I made you into someone ignorant about who I used to be. Someone that I could go to and with whom I could forget. You didn’t have anything to do with that though. It was all me and the mind games my brain likes to play with me.” 

Sam didn’t know how to react. Mind games played by his own mind. Bucky probably constantly struggled with what was real and reliable in his head, and what was not. Hydra had played such a number on him. What Bucky was saying though, it sounded reasonable. Didn’t everyone wish  
for someone to start over with sometimes? Someone who didn’t know anything about you yet, without judgements based on your past?

“Still, I made a mistake, writing that,” Sam started slowly. “I don’t see you like that. You aren’t the Winter Soldier to me.” It felt risky to say the name out loud. They had been dancing around it, until now. It lifted the conversation to a new level of openness and vulnerability. Still, the words  
themselves were hard and cold to say. Sam didn't feel comfortable with it. Not with Bucky so vulnerable next to him.

“That’s not it, though. You didn’t make me feel- you never- I just-.” Bucky gestured with his hand, the flesh one. He was searching for words to explain what he wanted to say, getting more and more frustrated. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” he growled.

He grabbed the backpack he had brought, “Here. This,” he shook the  
backpack demonstratively, almost aggressively. “This is good. It’s me.” He  
opened the bag up and started to rummage through it. He put what he had been looking for on the table, they were notebooks. With those in sight, Bucky calmed down. The frustration at not being able to explain what he wanted to say visibly left him. Now he just sounded tired, “They are memories.” He gently picked up the notebook laying on top and opened it carefully.

After paging through it for a minute, Bucky held the book out to sam. He slowly extended his hand to take it. “You’re okay with me…?” he trailed off, gesturing to the notebook. Bucky nodded and Sam took it, taking care to handle it with as much delicacy and reference as Bucky did. He slowly turned a page. It felt intimate, looking into Bucky’s memories like that. It had a lot of tabs in different colours marking pages and the pages Sam opened were filled to the brim with writing, even the margins were filled with sentences and words, arrows were pointing to the parts they referred to, with a rare drawing or doodle in between. There was also part of a photo sticking out from between the pages a bit further down the book. Sam could discern a white star on a blue background from the part that was sticking out.

“I have a lot of them. I keep them in this backpack because sometimes... I get scared. Scared that I…” Bucky searched for the right word, but this time, he managed to remain calm, “forget?” he took another second, “No,  
lose. Lose myself” he corrected himself. “I get scared that I lose myself, in this world, but also in here,” he said, tapping his temple. Sam rested the notebook in his lap instead of returning it to its owner, he selfishly didn’t want to let go of it yet. It felt warm, he liked the heaviness of  
it in his lap. He wanted to keep it safe, give it the attention it deserved.

“That’s why I take the backpack with me. It contains, well, me. If I do get lost… I could find my way back with these.” He rested his fingers on the notebook in Sam’s lap. 

Sam frowned, “I don’t think I’ve seen you with it before.”

“I don’t think I’d mind the person I would become if I got lost with you around.”

Sam lightly rested his hand on top of the hand that Bucky laid on the notebook, squeezing it gently. They were silent for a few seconds. Sam couldn't come up with any words to say. 

The silence broke when Bucky cleared his throat and continued talking “What I was saying, these notebooks, they have everything I can remember, from before… well, you know I fell.” 

_Became the Winter Soldier_ , Sam filled in. 

“I never included anything associated with the time after, because I don’t want it. I don’t want it to be a part of me.” 

Sam lowered his eyes, he could understand that. He imagined it was really hard to accept something like that as a part of  
yourself. 

Bucky started rummaging in his backpack again, “But I wanted to show you this, it’s the first thing I associate with after that I did include. When you wrote down that name on my cup,” Sam cringed regretfully, “I had a lot of mixed feelings about it. It was a mental war after the bubble of my made-up world burst. It clashed: these good moments with you and this dark side of me. I couldn’t possibly associate our interactions with this other part of me, this horror that lies dormant within me. That’s why I may have been a bit cold the past week. I’m sorry. I was trying to figure it all out.” Bucky’s hand emerged from the backpack, holding the cursed cup itself. 

“You kept it?” Sam asked, astonished.

Bucky blushed, “yeah.” He turned the cup, so he could look at Sam's handwriting, _Summer Soldier_ , it read, wit a little smiling sun next to it. Of all things, there was a smile forming on Bucky’s face. He let out a laugh, “While I was battling this mental war, overthinking everything and everyone, I couldn’t help but keep it." He wiggled the cup in question. "I kept it close to me for a few days, taking it everywhere. It made me feel…” Bucky started circling his hand in the air again. He was searching for another word and groaned when he couldn't come up with it, “oh well, I don’t know, just very good and warm. I was surprised by how easily you turned something that keeps haunting me into something positive, something I can’t help but smile at,” he tilted the cup into the light, “something pure.”

Sam’s heart was beating out of his chest. He was unable to produce any words. This was not what he had expected Bucky to say.

“You must’ve accepted that part of me that I despise, so readily that you carelessly wrote that down on a cup and turned it into something cute.” Bucky then suddenly seemed to take a step back, looking quite bashful, “at least, that is what I presumed. If you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or I don’t know, don't want to-“ 

Sam laughed, “Don’t worry, I’ll take you as you, past and all.”

Sam looked Bucky steadily in the eye as he said it and time slowed down while he looked at him.

Bucky was glowing. There was a blush spreading over his face and he was smiling broadly. He didn’t think he’d ever seen happiness this pure on his Bucky's before, all Bucky’s guardedness had fallen away. 

Sam couldn’t help but raise a hand, wanting to touch that openness. He touched Bucky's cheek reverently with the tips of his fingers and traced his face from the edge of his jaw to his cheek, close to his mouth. He didn’t dare touch that smile though, scared of disrupting it. 

Then, Bucky’s eyes lost their vulnerability. A more intense look took its place as he folded his metal hand over Sam’s, keeping it there pressed against his cheek. Bucky’s other hand raked through the soft hair on the back of Sam’s neck. He sighed appreciatively, leaning into it.

“I’d like to take you as you as well if you wouldn’t mind,” Bucky said in a low voice.

Sam just whispered back a breathless affirmation before he decided to move in closer. Sam’s hand had found its way to Bucky’s chest, and as their lips touched, he could feel the tension flow out of Bucky’s body underneath it. Bucky let out a quiet appreciative moan and Sam took the lead, moving Bucky where he wanted him to. Sam’s body was flooded with warmth as they stayed like that. They were moving against each other quietly, only pausing for breaths here and then. 

well, they only stayed like that up until a lazy grin started to build on the lips Sam was kissing. Bucky moved his hands down Sam’s  
back and pulled him in closer, trying to take over the lead, speeding them up. Sam wasn't going to give up that easily, though. The next thing he knew he was on top of Bucky with his hands in his hair, smirking back at him, trying to assert his dominance over a super-soldier. At the feeling of a cold hand slipping under his shirt touching his bare back, Sam moaned. The reminder that this guy had a fucking metal arm had heat spreading all over his body. Bucky noticed, of course, and drew him in  
even closer and Sam let him take over the lead, just for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, what did you think?   
> I'm really glad to have this out there finally. Don't worry, this isn't the end. It won't be for a while, I have enough ideas to keep it going.   
> But in the meantime, what did you think? And what do you think/hope/want to happen next? I'd love to hear it! I like getting inspiration from other people.


	24. Not Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> It's been a while, and I really wanted to post something, so I decided to just post this. IT's unedited and I wanted to make it a lot longer but I thought you guys just might want an update.  
> I loved your guys reactions to the last chapter! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. Here's some of the afterglow :)

Sam brushed his lips over Bucky’s one last time, letting out a content sigh and resting his forehead against Bucky’s, his fingers still tangled in his hair.  
Bucky slowly created some distance between them, leaning back so he could look into Sam’s eyes. He shifted his hand from the back of Sam’s head to his jaw, stroking his cheek with his thumb. His eyes were vulnerable and as he whispered, “I really don’t want to mess this up”, his voice cracked.  
“Me neither,” Sam whispered back, as he slowly disentangled his fingers from Bucky’s hair.  
“Would you- would you mind taking it slow?” Bucky softly stumbled over his words.  
Sam didn’t consider the make-out session they’d just had as _going slow_ , but he did understand what Bucky was getting at. Maybe it was good to take a step back.  
“Yeah, of course.” He replied with a soft smile.  
A bit later they sat in the shop in comfortable silence, Bucky had nestled himself against Sam’s side. There was a suspicious lack of costumers coming in that night, Sam notes. Not that he minds, he’s enjoying every second that he can spend with just Bucky and the warmth that is his body against his own. But after a while Sam stood up, Bucky immediately looked up in alarm, his expression that of a kicked puppy. Sam chuckled, “Don’t worry, I’m just getting my sketchbook.”  
Bucky’s face visibly relaxed, and Sam swiftly made his way over to the counter and back. As soon as Sam sat back down, Bucky leaned against him again, resting his head on Sam’s shoulder so he can watch along with what Sam’s doing. Sam very carefully opened his sketchbook on a blank page, making sure not to reveal any of his other sketches, before he put pencil to paper. They sat like that for a while, the only sound their soft breathing and the scratching of pencil on paper. It was pure bliss, Bucky’s warmth comforting, his hair was tickling his cheek but he didn’t mind.  
“This reminds me,” Bucky mumbles, “it reminds me of before. Steve used to sketch too.”  
Sam smiled softly, “I’ve heard. I bet he was really good.”  
Bucky nodded into his shoulder, humming in affirmation.  
“You got any old sketches of him laying around?” Sam asked curiously.  
Bucky hummed again.  
“I bet those could make a lot of money, long lost sketches of Captain America.”  
Bucky chuckled, “They’d make a damn lot of money. I mean I’m in them.”  
Sam smiled fondly, “And what’s so special about you, huh? Except for your pretty face.”  
“They’re nudes.”  
Sam stopped sketching in the middle of a line, “oh.” He knew the exact smug smirk Bucky was wearing on his face right now, even though he couldn’t see it. “Yeah- I bet people would pay to see… yeah, that.” There was a blush spreading on Sam’s face.  
Bucky chuckled, “I’m not gonna sell.”  
“So, where you and Steve… together then?”  
“hm? No,” Bucky said lazily, “I mean, we couldn’t be. But there was always something there. The sketches were for _practicing anatomy_.” He huffed out a laugh, “we made sure that nobody knew about them though.”  
Sam nodded, slowly processing that information. Then he said carefully, “I would like to do that, one day. Draw you like that. Not for practising anatomy, though.”  
Bucky chuckled, “I sure hope not, my body’s too good for just anatomy practising.”  
When the air settled around them, the jolly mood gone, Bucky added: “I’m sure we’ll get the opportunity for that.”  
They sat like that for a good half an hour. Then Bucky started nodding off, falling into a light sleep every now and then before startling awake again. After the fifth time, Sam gently closed his sketchbook and put it away. Turning to Bucky, he gently carded his hand through his hair lovingly. Bucky hummed contentedly at the touch.  
“Hey,” Sam said, softly.  
Bucky just mumbled and groaned before burrowing his head back into Sam’s shoulder, sensing that Sam wanted him to move.  
Sam chuckled, “Buck, You need a bed.”  
“hm, m'not tired”  
“Yes, you are, I don’t want to be responsible for your grumpiness tomorrow morning.”  
Bucky mumbled and protested some more, but slowly extracted himself from Sam’s embrace. He looked at Sam with a petulant frown on his face.  
“I actually have a job to do, here.” Sam said, and at the guilty look suddenly appearing on Bucky’s face he quickly said, “Not that I care, I love sitting here with you. But you really should try to get some sleep, and I need to close the shop up now.” Sam said, then hesitated, “we… could do this again next week?”. Had he just asked Bucky on a date? Was this a date? No, not officially a date. But it was a step, a small one, a way to show he wanted Bucky around. And they had agreed to take it slow.  
“Yeah, sure,” Bucky said, a soft smile on his face.  
Then he yawned, stretching out. “I guess you’re right,” he said sadly, and started to pack up his things, “I do kind of long for a bed right now. I’ll leave you to your job. For now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that!  
> I've got a request, I like to write while having a playlist going with songs I picked for the fic I'm working on. Do you guys have any songs that you think fit this fic? Plotwise or just like the vibe? All is welcome!


	25. Little Companion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's been quite a while.  
> Don't worry, I'm not felled by the Corona virus. I'm actually in isolation/quarantine right now, so I should have a lot of time to write! (That's what I said five days ago but then I had a mental breakdown and didn't, oops. But I have my life sort of in order again now)  
> Anyway here's a new chapter, with a little surprise! Hope you enjoy it.

Sam watched Bucky walk out the door with a small but sad smile on his face. He was sad to see him go, but his head was still so full and whirling with everything that had just happened he couldn’t help but still feel elated. Giddy happiness was running through his veins. But he did have some stuff to get done, so he dutifully started to wipe down tables. Now and then, when it hit him how lucky he was, he would pause and grin up at the ceiling until his cheeks hurt. Unable to contain himself.

When he was done with his chores, taking a bit longer than usual, he glanced at the darkness outside and did a double-take. There, with the warm streetlight giving the back of his leather coat a golden glow, was Bucky, bent over something across the street. 

He heard himself sighing and he rolled his eyes, this man, honestly. What was he still doing out there? Didn’t he know how to take care of himself? He ignored the warm feeling creeping up in his chest at the thought that maybe Bucky was waiting for him, instead deciding to give over to exasperation at the idiot that this wonderful man was.

Then he had an idea, he studied Bucky, he seemed to be quite preoccupied with something, and if he had been standing out there for like 15 minutes already, he’d probably stay around for another 5. So Sam quickly got to work, making two hot chocolates while checking if he had done everything he needed to. Seemed like he did. So he hurried to get his coat and back, cradling the two cups to his chest as he locked the backdoor. 

He made his way around to the front of the shop, he sighed in relief to see Bucky was still there. He quickly hurried across the street to join him, and see that Bucky was carefully cradling a … kitten? 

“Hi,” he said breathlessly, he had wanted to reprimand him for still being out here, but the view of Bucky gently holding a small white kitten left him stunned.   
The softest smile was on Bucky’s face, “Hi,” he said back. Stroking the kitten’s fur gently, almost reverently. Then he frowned, that adorably confused frown made an appearance and Sam didn’t know if his heart could survive the combination of that frown and that fucking adorable kitten, but somehow it did, and he managed to listen to Bucky’s comment. 

“I thought you still had some stuff to do, in the shop?”

Sam laughed, “Yeah, I did. It’s all done now. You’ve been out here in the cold for about twenty minutes now.”

Bucky blinked, “Oh, that’s… I don’t notice cold anymore I guess” 

Sam chuckled, “It’s OK, I can see you were preoccupied. And here I was, thinking you were waiting for me, but I can see I have competition now.”

“Oh, this?” Bucky asked, readjusting the kitten cradled in the palm of his hand, “This is no competition. You’ve already lost the competition before it even started, my heart and soul are sold to this little doll here, now.” 

Sam smiled broadly, then pursed his lips, shaking his head in disbelief, “Well, I like my partners less hairy than that.” 

Bucky ever so slightly raised his free hand to touch the bit of hair escaping out of the hood of the hoodie he was wearing underneath his coat. There was a micro-expression of doubt on Bucky’s face and Sam absolutely couldn’t have that. 

He covered Bucky’s hand with his own, then slid it up to touch Bucky’s hair, “This, however,” he slowly pulled Bucky’s hood down, to reveal the full glory that was Bucky’s hair, “Is the perfect amount of hairy.” Sam was grinning smugly, but he searched Bucky’s face carefully. Bucky started smiling slowly but was also staring back at Sam intensely and Sam suddenly realised what was happening.

 _Taking it slow, taking it slow, takingitslowtakingitslowtaki_ -  
He dropped his hand. 

“So what are you doing out here this late, huh?” he asked, turning his attention to the little kitten. _Was that subtle? Did he just make things very awkward?_

But Bucky took it in stride, and immediately answered with a concerned tone, “I don’t know, I found it huddled out here. Do you think it could be lost?”  
“I don’t know, it seems a bit too young to be out on its own yet.”

Sam stretched his hand out to the little ball of white fluff, and it immediately jumped to play attack it, “Oh you’re a little fighter, aren’t you? I can see why you’re taking a liking to Buck over here.”

When Bucky spoke again, with a worried tone to his voice, Sam looked up and realized -again- how close the two of them were.

“What if it doesn’t know how to get home?” Bucky’s eyes were wide with concern as he looked up from the kitten to Sam, “What should I do?”

Sam thought for a second, then took a step back and took off his backpack and started rummaging through it. He could’ve sworn… ah there it was, he took out the spare hoodie he usually carried around, “how about we bundle it up in this, and put it in the alcove of that tree over there? That way it’ll be out of the wind, won’t be too cold or wander off, and it’s a visible spot. That way if its owners come looking for it tomorrow it won’t be hard to find.”

Bucky was looking at Sam ad if he had just performed a miracle. “Th-That’s a good idea.” 

“Why so surprised? I know more than just how to make a damn good coffee.”

Bucky laughed and slowly started to untangle the kitten’s claws where they had tangled in his sleeve. Sam took the warm tiny thing from him and gently bundled it up in his hoodie. The kitten immediately started purring contentedly, and Sam couldn’t help but pet that soft little head once more, it immediately started licking his hand. 

Sam smiled broadly, “it’s such an adorable little thing, my God.” He said, looking up at Bucky with a broad smile on his face. Bucky smiled in consent, leaning down to give the little one last kiss on its head before they would leave him, the kitten immediately started clawing at his small beard and they both ended up laughing breathlessly. 

Sam put the kitten in the small alcove, hoping it would stay put, and that its owners would find it there. “That should do it,” Sam said lowly to Bucky. They stood a few feet away, watching the kitten entertain itself in the bundle of clothing as if they were parents putting their kid to bed.   
Then Sam blurted out, “Can I walk you home?” 

Bucky smiled warmly, but shook his head, “It’s a fifteen-minute walk, I don’t live that close. You don’t have to subject yourself to that.”

Sam sighed dramatically, “Oh no, I would have to subject myself to fifteen more minutes with you of all people? God help me.”

A slanted smile covered Bucky’s face, “I thought so.”

Bucky took a sip of his almost forgotten hot chocolate before he started walking, trusting Sam to keep up with him. But they hadn’t even taken three more steps before there was a sudden meow at their feet. There was a white ball of fur stumbling around their feet, trying to keep up with their pace. 

Bucky laughed a hearty laugh and crouched down beside the stubborn kitten, “Hey there again, sweetheart.” He mumbled lowly. 

Sam had to admit that his heart jumped at Bucky saying sweetheart so casually, in that voice. He also had to admit that his heart wasn’t the only thing reacting to the words.

“I guess you don’t want to be left alone, huh,” He told the little kitten, “don’t worry, I get it.” Bucky stood up again, holding it in his flesh hand. But then the kitten started squirming in his hand, trying to get down again, so he let it down again. “Oh, so you’re a big independent kitten huh? Don’t want to be carried around?” It meowed back convincingly, Bucky just nodded seriously, “alright then, off you go.”

Then he turned to Sam, “Well, I guess that if it happened to follow me home, there would be nothing I could do about it right? I’d just have to take care of it then.”

Sam smiled warmly, “I guess, yeah.” 

They started to walk again, slowing their pace so their little companion could keep up. Even if it took them twice as long to get home, but neither of them minded. And Sam didn’t comment on the fact they passed two other Starbuck’s before they got to Bucky’s place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that! what do you think of the kitten? Would you like to see more of it?


	26. WE KISSED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!   
> I know, I said I would be updating more, and then took three weeks to upload this chapter, sorry!  
> This is a work that is very close to my heart, I love writing and updating it. It's also a way for me to just produce without being too critical, and not really a priority when it comes to the stories I'm writing.   
> I'm currently working on a very angsty fic with Alyssa (@brooklynbvcky on twitter), it's going really well and I'm so passionate about it! I've been working on that the past few weeks, trying to write an outline. So like I said would, I've been writing more now that I'm in quarantine, just not this fic.   
> Besides that, I've also not been in the mood to write the happy fluffy things this fic is about. This is a struggle, and I know it's the skill of writing to write that even if you don't feel it, but currently I don't possess that skill yet. That's why writing that angsty fic is coming easier to me now.   
> So, sorry! I know there are some of you who are really enjoying this fic and wish I'd update more, and I'll keep that in mind! I'll try to lower the bar a bit for myself to write on this, so you might get some really short chapters in the future, just to encourage myself to write.

“I presume that the text you sent this weekend, the one with only the words ‘WE KISSED’ and a lot of exclamation marks, means you and Bucky finally kissed?” Lindsey casually asked Sam that Monday. 

Sam blushed at the memory, a smile taking over his face as he thought back to Saturday night. His lips still tingled at the thought of Bucky’s lips on his. He had spent his whole Sunday being giddy and smiling broadly at random intervals. He kept touching his lips, unable to believe that they had been touched by Bucky’s and that it had felt so good, so right. 

“Yeah, we kissed”, Sam smiled, biting his lip trying to contain it and bringing his fist up to his mouth to hide behind. 

Lindsey sidled up to him, grinning back at him, and threw an arm around his shoulder, “Damn, you’re doing so well! Congrats. Finally.”

“Thanks, we had a really good night. I even walked him home.” 

“Oh?” Lindsey raised an eyebrow, “you did?” her raised eyebrow turned into wriggling eyebrows. 

Sam laughed, “I didn’t go inside, we agreed to take it slow.”

Lindsey pursed her lips in disappointment, “but you were going so slow already! You really need to get laid.”

And of course, a second before Lindsey had spoken that sentence Bucky entered the shop and heard her say those words. 

“Fuck, Lindsey. Why.” Sam grumbled, before plastering a smile on his face and greeting Bucky, who started to turn a bit red after hearing Lindsey’s words.

“You’re an early bird today,” Sam commented, taking in Bucky’s appearance aside from the blush on his face. His hair was down in its full glory. He was bundled up warmly against the early morning cold, in a zipped up jacket with a hoodie underneath. Then Sam blinked in confusion, as he saw some white fur peak from underneath the jacket by Bucky’s neck. 

“Yeah, thought I’d get some coffee before taking this one to the vet” Bucky answered, unzipping his jacket a bit, the white fur turned into a kitten’s head, burrowing itself in Bucky’s warmth. 

Sam’s face was starting to hurt from all the smiling he’s been doing. The kitten looked way too cute burrowed up in Bucky’s hoodie, clinging to his chest. “Oh, too good for walking today, my lady?” Sam murmured at the kitten, which just purred contentedly.

Bucky laughed at Sam’s antics, “I didn’t want her to be cold, and she seems to be enjoying it.” 

“Is it a she? Do we know?” Sam asked, reaching over the counter, trying to pet the kitten. Bucky took a step forward so Sam could reach, ultimately bringing their faces quite close together.

Bucky sighed, “I don’t know, I keep calling her she, but it might not be. I tried to check but…” the red tint was back. 

Sam laughed, leaning back behind the counter again “Couldn’t find anything? That’s a good argument to call it a girl.”

Bucky shook his head in amusement.

“So, what can I get you today?” 

Bucky studied the menu, his flesh hand gently cradling the kittens little head. “I’m going for a café mocha today.”

Sam nodded, “anything for the lady?”, he asked nodding towards the kitten. 

Bucky chuckled, “I think she’ll pass on the coffee.” 

Sam proceeded to make Bucky his coffee, thinking a second before writing down ‘Bonky Bornes’ on the cup. Bucky lingered, his eyes following Sam’s every move.   
“Any news on who the owner might be?”

Bucky shook his head, “No, not yet. I spend all day yesterday trying to work that google thing properly. Found out that cats these days have chips? We used to give them a collar, seems like less of a hassle to me. But the chip should say who she belongs to, so I have to go to the vet to figure that out.” As he spoke about the kitten, he was gently looking down at it and scratching behind its ear. The kitten seemed utterly content where it was, it yawned, stretching on of its paws towards Bucky’s bearded face. 

Sam nodded, “Is google that much of a struggle?” he asked, looking over the cakes, trying to pick one. He went for the banana bread. 

“Hm, it’s complicated. Really interesting though, it offers so many opportunities. It frustrates me that I don’t understand enough to fully use it.” Somehow, Bucky’s eyes managed to light up while talking about the struggles of modern technology. He seemed to be really amazed by the opportunities it could bring.  
Sam put the coffee and cake in front of Bucky on the counter, “Here you go. I never realized how frustrating that must be for you. If I can help you in any way, just say the word.”

Bucky smiled in gratitude and took his order. At seeing the name on his cup, he rolled his eyes in desperation, “Shouldn’t you know by now?”. 

Sam answered, his smile betraying his confused tone, “Bonky, what should I know by now?”


	27. Kyle's Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!  
> This is a small chapter, but I hope you don't mind. I was writing it, and thought oh well, might just post this immediately as well, why not. So, here's a little filler. Hope to update again soon!  
> with love!

Sam didn’t see Bucky the next day, or the day after. On Thursday, Sam caught Lindsey giving him curious glances, and at the end of the day, a worried look, “Is Bucky not coming in anymore?” she asked him carefully.

Sam shrugged and took the cup she handed her, reading the instructions on what to make for ‘kyle’, “I don’t know what he’s doing. But he’ll come back in his own time when he’s ready, I think.”

Lindsey smiled fleetingly, leaning against the counter as she watched him make the drink, “you’ve made progress since the last time he stayed away. You’re really sure, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Sam frowned, searching for what was different this time. It was like a certain unease, uncertainty had settled in his stomach. “We haven’t made any commitment to each other-“ 

“Yet.” Lindsey interrupted, smiling devilishly.

Sam rolled his eyes, “As I was saying… I know we’re both invested in this, I think. He showed he liked me, and seemed to have a good time. There’s a niggling doubt, of course, I’m not sure. Maybe it was all too much, to fast. He’s a complicated guy, I wouldn’t blame him. But right now I’m just too happy with what happened this weekend to start worrying yet. Maybe he needs some space, and I want to give him the space he needs.”

Lindsey nodded understandingly, “That sounds reasonable. But I do want to see that little kitten again. He should come back.”

Sam laughed, “I don’t think he has the kitten anymore. We found it on the street, he was looking for the owners.” At an impatient look from Kyle, he took the cup out from under the machine. 

Lindsey’s face fell, “damn, that’s a pity.” Then she waved a hand in dismissal, “You can dump him then.” 

Sam shook his head with a smile and handed Kyle his coffee, who took it and immediately stalked off. 

“You two talking about Sam’s boy?” Charlotte butted in, tying her apron around her waist, “your shift’s up, Lindsey. Sam’s mine to question now.” 

Sam looked at Lindsey with desperation, hoping she received his nonverbal message of ‘help’. 

Lindsey just laughed, a bit evilly might Sam add, as she clapped him on his shoulder, “He’s all yours, dear.”  
Lindsey was a worthless friend, Sam concluded.

“So, any updates? I heard he was back in this Monday, did you manage to apologize?”

A small smile formed on Sam’s face, “He actually came back on Saturday… we managed to make things right.”

“OH shit! What did I miss? I really shouldn’t have gone home earlier should I?”

Sam laughed, “We had a good time, things turned out really well.”


	28. Revealing Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, another chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it!  
> As always, if you do enjoy it please leave some kudos or a comment :) those really make my day.

That Friday, Sam was lucky enough to see Bucky again. Seeing him step through that door, his eyes in front of him instead of being downcast, alert and in a good mood, it made Sam release a breath of relief. _Bucky was back_.

As he walked in he had to pause in his step to catch his breath before he made his way over to Sam. He was wearing sports clothes. It was obvious his run had been promptly interrupted to get a cup of coffee. His sweatpants were low on his lips, revealing a stripe of sweaty skin under his black tank top, and Sam was struggling to keep his eyes off of it.

“Hey” Bucky greeted him breathlessly when he finally was standing in front of him in his full glory. His eyes were alight with happiness and his lips lifted into a smile. Sam couldn’t stop staring, he wasn’t sure if it was because Bucky was looking particularly attractive today, or because he hadn’t seen him in a while and was rediscovering how beautiful this man was. 

He ran his eyes over his face, his relaxed bare shoulder and down to that fucking stripe of revealed skin that just had to be there to torture Sam, didn’t it? When he let his eyes travel back up to Bucky’s face again, he noticed that he had his metal arm on full display. He didn’t think he’d ever seen him expose it like that before, not even when he creepily stalked him on the internet in the hollows of the night. He was happy that Bucky felt good enough these days to casually show it. 

Then, Sam realized he had been taking more than a few seconds too long taking Bucky in. In the stretching silence, it had been fairly obvious that Sam was checking him out. 

“You’re looking good,” he decided to say. No point in trying to hide the fact he’d been checking him out. 

Bucky huffed out a laugh, before looking down at himself with a shake of his head. And as Bucky was looking down, adjusting his shirt to hide that tantalizing bit of skin, Sam couldn’t help but mutter “really, really good.” He thought Bucky wouldn’t hear him, but then Bucky’s head shot up, and he looked flustered. Which of course made Sam blush in embarrassment as well, and they turned the moment into a blushing party.

_Yeah, real smooth, boys_ , he could just hear Lindsey thinking a few feet away.

Then Bucky turned a bit more serious. Looking down, he said “I’m sorry I didn’t come around the past few days… I really wanted to but I’ve been quite busy. I was just running past and thought I could hop in for a bit.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I thought something like that was up. Just know you’re always welcome here to relax when you need to.” 

“Thanks,” Bucky said as he pulled his mouth into a one-sided grin. “It’s just that- that’s why I need to leave again soon- I can’t leave Alpine alone for too long, she’ll get lonely and start destroying things, and I’ll need to feed her soon.”

“…Alpine?” Sam asked slowly, a grin building on his face, sensing where this was going. 

“Yeah. Apparently, the little kitten was abandoned.” Bucky’s face saddened, “They found a box with a litter of kittens across from here. She must’ve managed to get out of the box before they found it. That's why she was still there when we found her.”

Then he started grinned again, “I asked if I could keep her and they said I could, but it would be a lot of work. So, I’ve been at the vet the past few days, they’ve been teaching me how to take care of her.” 

“That’s so sweet!” Sam was getting excited, the kitten had been really adorable and Bucky had been instantly in love with her “and you’ve decided to name her Alpine?”

Bucky nodded; a small silence fell. Sam noticed that there was more behind the name than Bucky was ready to tell him.

A new customer entered the shop, getting in line behind Bucky. “Anyway, what do you want? You need to tell me everything about her while I make you your coffee.” 

“An Iced cappuccino, please.” 

When Sam reached for the cakes to get him one, Bucky shook his head, “I’m going right back out after this, I already fear for the state of my couch upon my return, can’t risk the curtains as well.”

Sam laughed, “ah, the side of kittens no one warns you about.”

He wrote ‘Berky Bernes’ on the cup, and with a quick glance at Bucky, who was looking at him suspiciously, he drew a little cartoon of Bucky with a cat hanging from his hair. 

As Sam made the coffee while Bucky chatted some more about the trials and tribulations of raising a kitten. Lindsey gently entered the conversation, throwing in some things she knew about cats from having grown up with one. A first Bucky was a bit hesitant to the new interaction, but Lindsey handled the conversation very well, letting Bucky steer the direction of the conversation, only adding something here and there. This quickly earned Bucky’s trust and they were quickly chatting easily about their experiences with cats. Apparently, Bucky had always liked cats, often inviting in strays back in the forties, to Steve's dismay.

Sam couldn’t help but just take him in with big heart eyes. He was doing so much better than a few weeks ago, making casual conversation, looking them in the eye, waiting for their reactions on a joke he made. 

He was sad to finish the coffee so quickly, not ready yet to end their conversation. He handed Bucky his drink with an innocent smile. Which caused Bucky to narrow his eyes in suspicion, turning the cup. When he saw the little cartoon, a smile was tugging at his lips, but he tried to keep it contained, going for an annoyed look. “The cute cartoon doesn’t make up for it, you know that right?”

“Make up for what?” Sam asked, showing his innocent face. Bucky just rolled his eyes.

Before he could walk away though, Sam said, “Hey, you know you could take Alpine with you the next time, right? Instead of letting her tear apart your house. I’d love to see him again and you’ve noticed how much of a fan Lindsey is.”

Lindsey laughed “Yes, I love this kitten already, please let me cuddle her.”

Bucky looked at Sam, a slow smile spreading on his face, “I bet she’d love that, get out of the house for a change. She’s a very adventurous one.”

When Bucky was out of the shop, Lindsey turned to him, “You know we have a no pet policy, right? Only service dogs are allowed in.”

“So what? It’s Bucky Barnes, our national tragedy, he’s a hero who got nothing but traumas in return for his services for the country, and you’re going to deny him bringing in his emotional support kitten?”

Lindsey shrugged, “Oh, well. The kitten is worth being fired over.”


	29. Would You Like Anything Else With Your Kitten?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo! here's another chapter :)   
> As always, comments and kudos make my day, so don't hesitate to leave one.   
> A question, are there any particular things you're hoping that will happen in this fic? I could add them to the list of potential things to happen in future chapters!

“Sam, I wanted to ask, would you mind covering my shift tomorrow?” Lindsey asked him, with more caution than he was used to from her. “I know how busy you are, and that you work every other day of the week. but Anne doesn’t work on Sundays and Charlotte has that big birthday party tonight, so you're the only one left.”

Sam frowned, “Yeah, sure. Don’t worry about it. What’s up tomorrow?”

She busied herself with checking over the machines, “Eh, it’s a family thing.”

Sam realized he knew very little about her and her family, Lindsey had never been a very open person. “You know you can talk to me about… stuff, if you want to, right?” he asked her, watching her work with her back turned to him. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” She said distantly. After a second, she took a breath and smiled a little as she turned back to him, “Thanks, Sam.”

Sam smiled back and squeezed her shoulder, “We don’t talk enough.”

Lindsey laughed, “We have four shifts a week together, we talk plenty.”

“About me and Bucky, yeah. I know nothing about you, though. I only know you study here, but I forgot what… was it psychology?” 

“History,” she smirked, “that disappoints me, man.”

“History, fuck. you had me convinced it was psychology, it must be the way you can always see right through me.”

“don’t think that complimenting me is getting you out of this, I will remember this. Trust me.” She said, giving him a scary look. 

“I’m so fucked," Sam groaned.

“Treat me a drink sometime and I’ll consider not bringing it up again.” Her uncertainty from before had left her completely, she was back to her old teasing self. 

“How about you treat me a drink for being so nice to cover your shift tomorrow, hm?” Sam replied, raising an eyebrow. 

~

As the sun began to set, the front of the store, which was all window, let in some of those last golden sun rays into the shop. Sam loved this part of the day, just after dinner time. During dinner time, the shop would have a dip in how busy it was. and right now a few people started trickling in again, making easy chatter. 

He didn’t know what did it, but seeing the shop lightened up in those setting-sun rays, made him feel a sort of peace nothing else could. Well, almost nothing else. 

“Bucky,” Sam breathed out softly, as Bucky stepped through the door. The sun gave him a golden glow. He smiled at Sam, brushing some loose hair out of his face. He brought up his hand to steady Alpine, who was exploring his shoulders and greeted Sam and Lindsey. 

“Hey! You brought the lady, I see.” 

Bucky laughed. Alpine chose that moment to try and climb Bucky’s head but failed, tangling her paws in Bucky’s hair, trying not to fall. “Ow,” Bucky cringed, gently taking Alpine off his shoulder. 

“You’re sure this is okay?” Bucky asked quietly, looking around the shop as if anyone could come in to take Alpine from him any second now. 

Sam leaned over the counter to pet her, she immediately grabbed his hand with her paws to playfully bite him. “Aw, you got me.” he cooed at her. Then he answered Bucky distractedly, “Oh, yeah, of course, it’s ok. Don’t worry.” He tried to have his hand back, but Alpine was holding on to it stubbornly, she was gnawing at his thumb. Sam sighed, “You’re a stubborn little one aren’t you?” and lifted his hand away, taking the kitten with him. He put him down on the counter in front of him and started petting her, gliding his hands through that soft fur.

“Sam.” Lindsey said warningly, “You’re getting hair everywhere.” 

“Do you want me to steal the kitten or not? It only comes with hair.”

She laughed, “Here, give me that. And take your customer’s order, it’s rude to leave him waiting.”

Sam handed her the hairy fluff ball. Of course, Alpine immediately cuddled up to her instead of attacking her face, like Sam had hoped she would do. 

He turned to Bucky, “what can I get you?” 

“Oh, I’ll try the Strawberry Frappuccino this time.”

Lindsey had taken her distance from them, gently petting Alpine and cooing at him softly. She had conveniently left Sam and Bucky on their own, without any distractions. Sam realized that now, they were just looking at each other with big dumb grins on their faces. At that realization, he quickly grabbed a cup to start making Bucky his coffee.

He picked out a Raspberry Cheesecake muffin to go with it. He tried to make some conversation with Bucky, asking some general questions about Alpine and how he handling taking care of her. Bucky answered them all charmingly, but Sam could tell that he wasn’t in a very talkative mood today. So he let silence fall when he was confident Bucky's answers that he was doing alright and that he could handle Alpine, even if she was a handful of work. 

“Hey, is it alright if I feed her these?” Lindsey asked Bucky, holding up a bag of cat treats. 

“Oh, hand them over would ya? Let me see.” Bucky took the bag from Lindsey and studied the package. 

“Where did those come from?” Sam frowned. 

“Oh, I bought them yesterday, I thought it could come in handy.” 

“They should be fine,” Bucky said, throwing the bag back at Lindsey. “Just don’t feed her too many.”

Lindsey caught the bag. She turned her full attention back on the kitten, who had been pawing at her hands for more pets the second Lindsey had stopped petting her. 

“Here you go,” Sam said, putting the order down in front of Bucky.

When he saw the name on the cup, Bucky picked it up and sighed dramatically, “Are you even trying anymore? this doesn’t come even close!” he said, showing Sam the ‘Bungalow Bannister’ he had written on the cup. 

Sam didn’t even pretend to look innocent this time, grinning back at Bucky. “What? That I didn’t get it right this time?” 

Bucky glowered, “I want my cat back.” He said, holding out his hand. 

Lindsey came over and plopped the kitten down in his hand, “there you go, sir! Would you like anything else with your kitten?” 

“No, thank you.” He said smiling at Lindsey, then he turned his attempt at a glare on Sam before walking away to find a table for him and Alpine.


	30. Additional Services

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> It's been a while, I know. I was stuck for a bit. But then yesterday I had this literal lightbulb moment, and I realised how I wanted this to end! And I realized that's what I needed, an end to work towards. So here's an update for you, guys. I hope you enjoy it.   
> As always, comments and kudos always make my day. They really keep me going.

The tables were shining with how clean they were. Sam had gone over them three times already, even though no new customers had come in to dirty them. He kept glancing over to the silhouettes passing by outside. Their shadows, created by the streetlights would glide over the dimly lit floor of the shop. At one am, when one of the silhouettes finally entered the shop, Sam felt relieved to see it was Bucky entering the shop. He was wearing jogging pants and a sweater, cradling a sleeping Alpine against his chest, her body hidden under the partly zipped up sweater. “Hey,” his voice was groggy like he’d just woken up. He was squinting his eyes, even though the shop was only dimly lit.

Sam smiled back at him, “Hey, how are you doing?”

Bucky shrugged, “I just woke up, couldn’t get back to sleep. Could be better.” 

“Nightmare?”

“Always, I don’t remember what normal dreams are supposed to be like.” He grimaced, “I’m sorry, don’t want to bring you down. How are you doing?”

“I’m bored as hell, I’m glad you’re here. Want some tea to calm down?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Yeah, thanks for offering to do your actual job. I’d like some Chai tea. Are going to write my name right this time, since you’re on such a roll?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sam innocently put his hands in the air, “I'm only trying to help man.”

“Just do your job, man" 

Sam leaned in closer to Bucky. He pretended to eye the people walking by outside cautiously. “You know, I can offer you some additional services with that tea if you are interested.”

Bucky laughed, leaning in closer as well, “Oh? I think I might be.”

Sam smiled smugly and reached over the counter to draw Bucky in for a sweet lingering kiss. Caressing his cheek, Bucky's lips were soft against his, it felt like coming home for a second. When he drew back, he busied himself with grabbing a cup, “A chai tea, was it?”

“I’d expected a bit more from those additional services,” Bucky complained. He tried to look grumpy, but he failed, there was a blush still lingering on his face.

“Oh really?” Sam asked with a sideways grin to Bucky, “I’ll keep that in mind. Now, how about a blueberry muffin?”

“No.”

“Oh,” Sam stopped in his tracks, “What then? Or do you want a different kind of dessert?” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “What’s your favourite?” 

“Oh, my favourite dessert?" Sam asked, at Bucky's nod, he thought for a second, "It’s the triple chocolate cake. You've already had it”

“I’ll take it anyway.” 

Sam frowned at him, “Okay… you have to try the blueberry muffin sometime, though.”

Bucky stopped acknowledging him, and started searching around him, “ah shit…”

“What?” Sam asked, putting the chocolate cake on a plate and started on the tea. 

“Alpine, she slipped out of my sweater while you kissed me. Sneaky minx.” 

Sam laughed, “Don’t call her that, she’s a sweetheart.”

“You don’t have to live with her,” Bucky grumbled in response. Then he exclaimed in triumph and picked her up from where she was hiding beneath a table. "There you are."

Sam eyed Bucky as he was petting Alpine and looking at her with big adoring eyes. Yes, she looked like a real pain in the ass, Barnes. He decided that ‘Bitchy Barnes’ would go well on the cup. 

“Does she cause much trouble?” Sam asked, putting the order at the end of the counter. 

“Nah, it’s not that bad. She’s becoming more and more independent. I can leave her alone longer now.” Bucky accepted the cup of tea, but nodded at the cake, “We’re going to need another fork for that.”

Sam frowned, and looking between Bucky and Alpine, “Alpine…?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “No, you idiot. Grab a fork and join us, will you?” he said, turning around to walk to his usual table at the back. “And I’m not bitchy!”


	31. Would He Blame You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! another chapter :) I hope to be able to keep updating on Sundays! I have quite some deadlines the next two weeks, so it may be a struggle, but after that it's all over (if I don't have resits) and I will be focused on writing only!  
> As always, comments motivate me to keep going so much! Thank you for your lovely comments, they can be so sweet and make me really happy.

Bucky shared his cake with Sam. They chatted for a bit, Bucky shared how handling Alpine was going and Sam told Bucky some more about the work he did for the VA. But at some point, they fell silent and Bucky reached in his bag to grab a book, “Do you mind?” he asked, gesturing to the book. Sam smiled softly, “Not at all”. 

Alpine had clambered to the ground and was exploring the ground around them. She didn’t go too far though. She’d just wander to a few tables over before finding her way back to Bucky and the metal hand he was dangling down the side of the booth for her to sniff and play with.

They were sitting close together, their shoulders touching. Sam was leaning back against the booth, his head ended up resting on Bucky’s flesh shoulder. His eyes were closed when he burrowed in closer, breathing in his smell. The quiet was nice, filled up by the little noises Bucky made in reaction to the words he was reading.

At a particularly frustrated sigh Sam cracked an eye open and peeked down at the book Bucky was reading, “whatissit?” he mumbled.  
Bucky sighed once again and angled his head to lean back against Sam’s, “it’s this guy, he’s such an asshole.” Sam closed his eyes again as Bucky started explaining why in particular this guy was an asshole. He let his voice wash over him, and chuckled at how passionate he could get. When he started telling Sam about the previous books in the series, Sam marvelled at how great of a storyteller he was. When Bucky was out of things to tell, he would go back to reading, until Sam asked another question about one of the characters, and he would start murmuring to Sam again. Sometime during his story Bucky had snaked an arm around Sam’s waist, securing him against him. Sam couldn’t help but wonder if it could always be like this. If they could spend their evenings snuggled up like this. Preferably in a bed or on a couch instead of on this uncomfortable coffeeshop booth. And as he sat there, listening to Bucky’s low voice telling him a story of dragons and queens, his heart ached for it.

The bell of the door dinged, and Sam knew what that meant, but he didn’t feel like opening his eyes just yet. He must’ve fallen asleep, he had to actively pull himself from the fogs of his mind. Bucky nudged him, gentle but hard enough to wake him up properly, “Customer.” 

Sam groaned, “Yeah, I know.” He stretched and blinked his eyes open. There was a finely dressed man staring at him, standing at the counter. “My apologies, I’ll be right with you,” Sam mumbled in an excuse, but it didn’t seem to appease him very much. Which Sam understood. He was a mess, and this wasn’t very professional of him. He put on his best smile as he got behind the counter, “What can I get you?”

“Just a coffee with almond milk in it, please. And get one for yourself too, you look like you could use it,” the man said, while he smiled at him charmingly. Ok, so he wasn’t mad, that was good. 

“Thanks,” Sam smiled back and proceeded to make two coffees. 

When Sam turned back to Bucky, Sam saw he was scowling at the man who was now leaving the shop. He frowned, “he was just being kind, Buck. I’m glad he wasn’t annoyed or you know, a homophobe.”

“He definitely wasn’t a homophobe,” Bucky muttered, annoyed. 

Sam laughed, “No, he didn’t seem to be no.” he grabbed his sketchbook from behind the counter before he walked back over to Bucky. Maybe it was best not to fall asleep again while he was on a shift. 

“Is it okay if I sketch you?” he asked, opening his sketchbook on a new page. 

Bucky looked over at him, “yeah sure,” his voice had regained that soft murmuring quality now the shop was empty again. He turned back to his book, and Sam put down some confident lines sketching his concentrated face. 

“I used to draw Riley like this too… while he was reading.” He murmured out loud. He didn’t know why. It was like the peaceful quiet had coaxed his thoughts out in the open air. His heart was squeezing in his chest thinking about Riley. 

Bucky looked up from his book and put it down in his lap. “Riley?” he asked carefully, sensing how delicate the topic was. Sam swallowed, looking down at his sketch. And was shocked to see how much it resembled Riley as well as Bucky. 

“Yeah, he was a friend of mine. Back in the army. I didn’t catch him.”  
Bucky shifted closer, his eyes filling with understanding. “You two flew together?”. 

Sam nodded mutely, his eyes still trained on the sketch. It reminded him of sitting in the barracks together, the endless waiting, the tons of books Riley would read. Riley would give him a little smirk every time Sam got out his sketchbook, _Can’t resist drawing this handsome face, can you?_ He would get into the most ridiculous poses for Sam, and Sam would let him, glad enough for the excuse to study his form extensively. 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky told him. The metal of his hand was cold but grounding against his face as Bucky wiped a stray tear from his cheek. 

“It’s okay, it was years ago. I was just reminded of it.”  
“Time doesn’t mean anything. I lost all my family eighty years ago, that doesn’t change the hurt.”

Sam choked, “That’s- Bucky… here I am crying over one person, while you-“

“No,” Bucky interrupted him, “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not about me right now. You’re hurting, and time might dull it, or take it away for a while, but it’s something you’ll still have to carry.” He drew Sam into a hug, and Sam was trembling in Bucky’s arms, crying silently. “I should have caught him. I was right there, but I was too late. It was my-“ Bucky hushed him, “It’s over, it happened and now it’s over. Would he blame you?”

Sam shook his head slowly, he knew that. He knew Riley wouldn’t blame him for it, his family didn’t, their friends didn’t, but still. Sometimes he needed the reminder.


	32. Alternate Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck, I am so busy and stressed right now I have no idea where I got the time to write this update?? Did I actually write this update, or did I dream it? Am I going to miss a deadline because of this? I don't know.
> 
> Anyway, there's an update (I think), I hope you all enjoy it. Next week my stress will be over and all this will go a bit easier. I hope.

Things were changing for Sam. Weeks were passing quickly. Bucky came in every day, on busy days he’d just get a coffee to go and say hi, and on other days he’d stay for two hours. He’d observe Sam while he worked, chat with Lindsey, or try to figure out his phone while he sat in his usual spot. Sam spent the week looking forward to the Saturdays on which Bucky would spend whole nights with him at the shop. Bucky always brought a book. He went through them so quickly that every week he brought a new one. Sam asked him about every single one, and Bucky went into detail about all of them. His eyes would light up, and he would even make gestures with the metal arm when he got passionate about the stories he was reading. He had these obsessions with certain genres, he would read about ten books in one genre, before switching to another one. By now, he had gone through some fantasy and science fiction, and last week he had made a full switch to some modern literature. Currently, Bucky was curled up on his usual spot, reading a book about a veteran. He was unusually quiet while reading it, and Sam guessed it hit home. He had gotten so comfortable that he was laying down on the bench, his head on a pillow that he now brought most days. He had initially said he brought the pillow for alpine because it was her favourite, but more often than not Bucky used it rest his head as he read, Alpine was content using his arms as her pillow anyway. 

It was as if Sam opening up to Bucky had cut a certain string in him, he was more comfortable during his time around Sam. He was more relaxed, smiled a bit easier and would casually touch him now and then. 

It was snowing outside. Sam smiled, two hours ago Bucky had come in covered in snow. Alpine had been sitting on his shoulder complaining loudly, dripping everywhere. She had protested against being put inside Bucky’s coat, it was her own fault that she got wet, Bucky had grumbled plopping her on the counter in front of Sam. He had immediately gotten a towel to dry her, and he felt like that earned him some points in the eyes of the furry little thing. Since she sat with him for an hour or so, usually she'd cling to Bucky whenever possible.

Sam sighed in himself, putting down the rag with which he was cleaning the counter. It felt good, like this. The shop empty except for the two of them and Alpine, snow colouring the streets white, the silence filled by Sam busying himself with cleaning and Bucky turning a page once in a while. Sam enjoyed their time together, the nights where they talked for hours and the night where they didn’t interact much at all. But he still longed for more. And that didn’t mean that he longed for more physical intimacy (okay, maybe he kind of did), he was content with the amount of cuddling they did, the stolen kisses that tasted like coffee and the more lasting kisses in front of Bucky’s door after he walked him home. He didn’t know what exactly he was longing for, since he saw Bucky almost every day, for multiple hours at a time. But he couldn’t help but think of how he’s never seen Bucky’s apartment, met his friends or did anything outside of this coffee shop. 

Even though Sam knew that it was partly his fault, that he could take the next step, he was afraid that this would never be more than that. That Sam could never be more than a retreat for Bucky to escape his own life. Like he escaped into those books of his. What if he didn’t feel like pulling Sam out of this coffee shop, this alternate reality, into his own life? What if, unlike Sam, he didn’t need this relationship to be more than it was?


End file.
